A Living Sacrifice?

This note was found in the pocket of a young pastor in Zimbabwe, Africa, following his martyrdom:

I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made--I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my presence makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfted goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander in the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go until he comes, give until I drop, preach till all I know, and work till he stops me. And when he comes for his own, he will have no problem recognizing me...my banner will be clear!

The question I contemplate is do I love Christ this much? Would I lay my life down on His behalf? Am I living my life in such a way that my banner is clearly visible? Am I hiding or compromising any part of my life? If I'm honest, I've got a ways to go--a long way. But boy, do I relish in the thought that the Lord is not done with me yet. How exciting, honoring, and yet oh so humbling, to know He is ever so persistent in making me more like His precious Son. Oh, can there be anything more beautiful: to resemble the glory of God, to live fully and unapologetic for Him?

Battle Cry

Whether you realize it or not, we are in the midst of a great battle. Some call it spiritual warfare others chalk these battles up to a part of life. And a normal part of life is experiencing hardships. Absolutely. But I think for those of us who over look these hardships for what they truly are, a spiritual battle, Satan has us right where he wants us: ignorant. I believe I am in the midst of such a battle now. I could share all the details, but my personal struggle won’t do you any good. Instead what I believe will help is sharing what I’m learning through this time.

This season of great heartache and turmoil has made me take notice of scriptures that I haven’t held in my hands for quite some time. One that is especially dear to me is the conversation between the Lord and Simon (Peter) left for our benefit in Luke 22. To recap: The Lord tells Simon that Satan has asked permission to sift him as wheat and He has given him permission to do so. Then the Lord tells him that when he turns back to Him that he is to strengthen his brothers. Remember this one? A few thoughts come to mind as I have studied this passage:

Satan asked for permission.
That means that our trials are not without God’s knowing and beyond a certain point, not without His permission. He has not abandoned you or forgotten you. Is this fact hard to believe? Are you asking yourself why God would allow such an attack? Questions I’ve asked myself as well. I’ll address these thoughts in a second. For now, let me point out what else I find so valuable about this conversation between Simon Peter and the Lord.

God warns Simon that this is going to happen.
He has left for us 66 books filled with warnings. I believe many of us view them as Brennan Manning so perfect describes as, “just another trinket in the dusty pawn shop of doctrinal beliefs.” I love this quote because many Christians view much of what has been left for us as not relative to today and yet we say we value this “trinket”. Dust off that “trinket” and see it for the priceless heirloom left for you by our Father. It’s our Sword for fighting this battle for crying out loud!

Many of us don’t take these warnings seriously. We look at the Old Testament as the war zone…not today. Oh Beloved, I must point out that the whole backdrop of the Bible (old and new testaments) as well as present day is war! We are in the midst of a great battle, a very real battle.

So the question remains: Why does God allow Satan to sift us?

God uses Satan to bring Himself glory.
I’m certain Satan believes He will be the victor when he is given a time to run with our lives. However, God has something else in mind. He will be glorified and He’s going to use Satan to do it! (Isn’t that just rich?!). He will be the victor and bring you through this season of fire to refine you, to sift from you whatever it is that needs to be sifted. This makes me think of that verse in Genesis that says what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good. (Paraphrased)

We all might not need sifting. But we all need refining. We can count on entering the fire repeatedly throughout our lives. “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify.” Malachi 3:3 We will be tested. The hardness, bitterness, jealousy…every bit of imperfection will be skimmed from our hearts by the Master Refiner. He does this to redeems us, to purify us to Himself. He won’t stop, He won’t give up hope for you, until He can see His reflection. Be prepared, Beloved, that won’t happen this side of heaven.

In short, be prepared. He has warned us that we are fighting for our lives. How do we fight?
Arm ourselves with the Sword of the Spirit (Eph. 6:10-20): His Word. Know it from the inside out.
Allow God to refine us (Malachi 3:3). It will hurt. I know, because I am in the midst of this season as I sit here and write. Many nights all I can say is, “Lord, fight for me. Don’t let go of me.” He won’t let go of me, I am assured constantly but that doesn’t mean I won’t have to fight.
Surround ourselves with a great cloud of witnesses. (Hebrews 12:1) We certainly need each other. We need to overcome the spirit of isolation. (This is where I tend to end up. It’s sure easier than getting hurt again.) It’s not easy. We have to operate out of what we know as truth rather than what we feel. Satan knows this is how we tend to operate and uses it to his advantage to keep us isolated, untrusting, feeling unworthy… And I shouldn't have to say that going to church is a significant part of surrounding ourselves with a great cloud of witness but I know many Christians who don;t view this as important. To be completely honest, I struggle with organized religion. I’ve shared these feelings before. But I understand the importance and why God told us to do it. It helps me to look at it as calling in the troops, learning, studying God’s Word, and for lack of a better analogy: strategizing our game plan in this battle.

Beloved, fight. And fight with everything you've got.

What Not to Wear

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.”
Ps. 8:3-5

I ponder the same question: In comparison to the majesty of your creation, O Lord, what is it about me that captures your attention? Another thought: how can He say after each thing He created, “it is good.” But only after He made man said,” It is very good.” (Gen. 1:31) The two are undeniably related. And both make me wonder since Christ can’t be mistaken, what have I not understood about myself?

This morning was not unlike any other. I sat with coffee in hand, staring out my large picture window, which over looks countless trees, blooming plants, roses galore, set against a perfectly clear sky flittered with sunbeams and talked with God. Some of my most meaningful conversations happen in this spot. Today was one of them. As I sat with Him pondering these very thoughts, I asked Him, Who am I to be considered lovelier than such things, to have your love, your devotion, your acceptance? (My mind has been in a terrible place these past few days, feeling rather unworthy of all I have hope and faith).

I hear Him say, “Don’t you realize you bear the image of my Son? When I see you, I see Him?”

I’ve heard it before. I want to believe but in my skepticism, I say, “but Lord, you know the things I have done, said, and thought. There is no beauty here to attract you to me.”

He understands and reminds me that He too, while on the cross bore much shame and had no beauty, that His own Father turned His eyes from Him. (Is. 53)

He says, “I have given you a new heart, Beloved. Take it, own it. Stop wearing that robe of shame and put on the robe of righteousness I bought for you.”

I sit with this conversation, debating Him—the Author and Perfector of my life. (Sounds absurd to say it like that and yet, it is truth) I tell him I’m unworthy, that I’ll dirty His robe. The conversation goes on like this for several more minuets.

I bet we all do this. We know we’re not worthy, so we don’t fully embrace the free gift of grace. We don’t get too attached…just in case it isn’t for real.

John Eldredge points out, “all this groveling and self-deprecation done by Christians is often shame masquerading as humility. Shame says, “I’m nothing to look at. I’m not capable of goodness.” Humility says, “I bear a glory for sure. It’s a reflected glory. A grace given to me.”

If we embraced grace fully, lived life robed in righteousness, as heirs to the King, with our glory revealed our lives would look differently don’t you think? To live in truth, to live knowing I am fully loved, accepted, and forgiven. What if I really believed it? It’s a scary place—to have such confidence, security, beauty (His glory reflected) here on earth. It’s my opinion that most Christians don’t live out of their Spirit-filled lives, that we are more in tuned with our sinful nature. Perhaps it’s because we are in the midst of a great battle; a battle not against flesh and blood but against the forces of the spiritual realm. (Eph. 6:12, paraphrased) The enemy’s plan from the beginning has been to make us doubt our hearts, take away our courage…in short, assault our hearts…which is the wellspring of life. (Prov. 4:23)

I forget constantly that we, as Christians, are to arm ourselves for this kind of battle, a battle that truly is a matter of life and death. Without a doubt, it’s more than we can handle on our own. I love how the Message Translations says, “Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them.”

I do need to learn how to apply them. To be honest, I hardly understand their definition and exactly what they mean to me. It isn’t enough for me to simply go with the flow anymore. I think Satan has had me exactly where he wants me all these years: ignorant and dressed in shame.

I believe once I apply God’s armor (the list above), accept His love completely; I will see a glimmer of His son too, that I will embrace His glory reflected in me and stomp on the shame that I tend to choose over His righteousness. O that is my heart’s desire!

Christ says, “I have come to give you back your heart and set you free.”

I love:

The sun’s warmth that floods my face and gently laps over my soul with its peaceful, joyful rays
Brisk mornings

The brillancy of the stars on a clear night
The smell of coffee
The smell of crisp linen
Lavender, lilac, tulips, peonies…
Fresh cut grass
Bird’s innocence, melody, majesty, and freedom
My dog’s smile and enormously long tongue (so stinkin' funny!)
Abigail’s dimples that beg for kisses, her dark eyes that tell me everything, and her smile: big, full, and contagious

Her enthusiasm, energy, joyful, and silly spirit
Meg’s hugs: intentional, present, loving

Her pale pink lips that easily part into smiles and giggles galore

Her heart: compassionate, respectful, kind, tender and shy
I love that Dennis thinks he’s funny

He makes me feel beautiful after all these years (15 years and counting!)

He provides, cares and makes family a priority

His genuine relationship with the Lord

His eyes, his smile...
Humbleness

Old barns

Bare trees
The under dog
Hot air balloons
Motorcycle rides
Americanos
Clean sheets
Reading
My work at school
Thai food
Holding hands
The smell of Den’s after-shave

The country with it's vast fields in an array of colors
The beach
The mountains

Dreaming out loud
Yellow and blue
Silence
laughter
Knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend
Family
Friends
Good conversations
That the Lord is revealing Himself to me in bits and pieces of the very things I hold so dear to my heart.

That He thinks I’m worth sharing all of these things with.

"Without your heart you cannot love. Without your heart you cannot have faith. Without your heart you cannot find the work you were meant to do. In other words, you cannot have life."

"Go after a life of love as of your life depended on it--because it does." 1 Cor. 14:1 (Message Translation)

The 64 Pack

The topic of worship has been a constant thought this past week especially, but has been something I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about a good share of my life. I was raised in a Christian home and attended a small Baptist church three times a week for as long as I can remember. Church was so much a routine that we didn’t think twice about going. You went because its what you did on Sundays. Church was pretty boring when I was a kid. I would count the ceiling’s wood planks; count the number of pieces of glass that made up the stained glass window. After sometime, I became a student. Not so much a student of the Bible but in listening and watching the way church worked. The Pastor’s message would start with a story, usually humorous, then a bit of scripture that he would explain, then his voice would escalate and his fists would beat towards us as he boomed that we needed Jesus, that we were going to hell without Him. Finally it ended with him in tears and a long, a very long prayer (this is when I checked out people’s shoes). This is why I didn’t like church. It was predictable. It was routine. I knew what I was going to hear, what I was expected to do, say and sing. I wondered where God was in all of this hub-bub. It sure looked and sounded a lot like a dog and pony show. (Not that I disagreed with the Bible message, not at all. It was the routine and perhaps even the heart behind the words that didn’t sit right with me. And I always wondered if the Holy Spirit was really this predictable.)

You would think from hearing about my church experience as a child that I don’t attend church as an adult. I do and I love it. (The Lord got a hold of me many years ago and revealed Himself in a way that was meaningful to me and gave me a genuine heart for Him…another story for another day) My favorite part of church is the preaching. I enjoy the other elements as well but it is in these parts of the service that I wrestle, the same parts I wrestled with as a child. Let me explain my struggle by posing a few questions: Do we allow our hearts to side step routine and ritual often enough to worship genuinely? Has Sunday morning become something we can do in our sleep (figuratively, of course)? Or perhaps the most important question: How often do we glimpse something that stirs up complete wonder and awe within our hearts, where we feel we’ve no choice but to fall to our knees and praise God?

Organized worship is still difficult for me. A good share of the time I am too aware of other people’s presence more than God’s. There have been times I feel forced to perform (i.e. sing, partake in communion, etc.), because it’s expected. And then there have been other times I literally want to fall to my knees, raise my hands to the heavens and imagine Him reaching back to me. But I don’t. I wouldn’t dare. My pride is far too big (unfortunately) for that in a setting like church. How pathetic, I know. And how I’ve probably missed out on some incredible moments with the Lord. Not, that this would necessarily be an acceptable way to worship in my church either.

I used to think there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't worshipping right when I wasn't visibly touched by a song or a message to move me to tears or to raise my hands, afterall, so many around me were. After much thought and reflection, I honestly believe there are many ways to worship the Lord. Not all of them come out in a physical way but every time our hearts will be penetrated by immeasurable gratitude and love for the Lord. When and why do we worship? When we are fully aware of our dependence on God for all we have and hope to have; out of a heart of thankfulness, praise, respect, and honor.


I’m a nature girl… would give just anything to be outside, especially in my gardens. This week as I was pulling weeds and contemplating worship, feeling rather discouraged with church as a whole, I looked up to the most beautiful turquoise colored sky spotted with puffy white clouds…so crystal clear…so much a gift…that all I could manage to say while on my knees and tears running down my face is, “I believe in you.” I believe that is worship. Worship is more than the 8 pack of crayolas…what you expect to see. I think it’s more like the 64 pack, coming in various shades, brilliancy and depth. Turquoise sky…still takes my breath away.


What is worship? It is self-forgetting, humble and God-exalting.