Friday, January 4, 2013

Trust Follows

Bitter frost glimmered brilliantly underfoot as it caught the early afternoon’s sunlight, crunching raucously as we sauntered toward my truck, while escaping my lungs through hazy vapors lingering at my lips. My winter kissed nose began to run and so did the tears, for my heart had been etched with the most precious of memories.

I had spent the last hour watching Rusty, our angel in horsehair (!), follow Meg around the round pen without a lead, without a single touch. I watched Rusty lower his head to her waist, turn circles, back up and stop simply by the sound of her voice. If I had not seen it myself, I would not have believed it. I honestly do not know of anything more life-giving than to watch a girl who struggles with her value and a once neglected horse bond. He was free to do what he pleased and he chose to follow her.

I recall our first day at Raven Rock Ranch. It was a warm fall day and Rusty had been keeping himself cool in the shade of a cluster of trees at the far end of the pasture. When Meg approached the fence, it was if he had always known her. He trotted to the fence, bent his head low and breathed in her scent. Her smile had been held captive for countless years and in that moment Rusty had unlocked not just her smile, but her precious giggle as she leaned forward to nuzzle noses with him. Sandy, owner and operator of the ranch, revealed that he never does that. He chose her that first day. And she chose him.

Every week for a few months now Meg has looked forward to our time at RRR. She cleans stalls, grooms Rusty, and has been learning to tack and ride. Her small voice, awkward gestures, and lack of confidence confine her in most areas of her life, isolating herself, floundering in self doubt, and engaging in self-destructive behavior. However, Rusty sees beyond that. He simply sees his girl. She shows up and his quiet day becomes a vivid wonderment as they work together to meet each other where they are. They do not need to pretend with one another. Their hearts have been gravely bruised and yet they have chosen each other to journey toward healing, learning to trust one another along the way.

Today, Sandy unhooked the lead from Rusty’s halter and asked Meg to slowly walk away from him, believing that he would follow her. After several steps it looked as if Rusty was not going to follow. He just stood there. His ears twitched as he listened to the slightest crackle of frost laden footsteps and the whinnies of horses in bordering pastures. He lowered his head, smelling the air as if searching for anything to give him direction. Meg stood still, her back to him, just waiting. I am certain she would have waited for him all day for I have never seen devotion like hers to Rusty.

Rusty had never been given a choice before. Never. Now, he had freedom to do what he wanted and it clearly confused him. Several minutes passed and finally he took a step---walking parallel to where Meg was, not to her. Admittedly, I chuckled. It was as if he was saying, "I want to be near you, but I will not do it exactly like you want". Typical 10 year old behavior!  Sandy reentered the round pen and instinctively, yet unconventionally asked Meg to breathe into Rusty’s nose. Horses greet each other by breathing into one another's noses, so it seemed likely that he would identify with Meg, recognize her on a different level if she were to do the same. With both hands planted on her knees, she stoop to Rusty’s lowered head and breathed into his soft muzzle. Frosted air escaped her petal pink lips, rising heavenward. Then, without a word, Sandy left the pen. Meg began to walk and Rusty followed. Meg stopped and Rusty stopped. She walked in circles and so did he. He was smitten with a girl he was learning to trust!

Trust sees what physical eyes cannot. It is a deepening, a ripening, a willingness to wait for God in the unplanned place of obedience, and to walk with God at the unplanned pace of obedience---“to wait in His place, and to go at His pace”, knowing with certainty that He will carry us through all our afflictions. Trust requires faith. It feels risky until we know; really know the One we’re walking with.