I Love You This Much!

My girls are now teenagers, but every once in awhile they still play the game, “Do You Know How Much I Love You?” You know that precious game where as parents we respond, “How much?” and our little Delightfuls stretch their arms out as far as they possibly can, responding through squinted eyes and strained heart vocals, “This much”. It never gets old. I love being told that I am not just loved, but loved to the full extent of who they are.

These precious memories are tucked deep within my heart; and there next to the snapshot of my girls’ outstretched arms of love for me, is another snapshot of outstretched arms of love. These arms however, are stretched across a wooden beam and held in place with stakes--Jesus on the cross; the crucifixion. Without a doubt, the cross symbolizes my faith. However, the cross is not just a symbol of a necessary sacrifice for my salvation, but it also symbolizes the pattern I hope my life reflects.

The cross has become so commonplace in our society that what it represents has been gravely skewed or forgotten about all together. I’ll admit that until several years ago when I would see a cross, it did little, if anything, to stir my heart or point my mind to Jesus’ crucifixion on that Golgotha hill over 2,000 years ago. And although it represented my faith, it did not actively serve as a relevant tool in my walk with Christ. The work of the cross had been done and my eyes were (and are) firmly fixed on the One who once hung from those beams, not the beams themselves. However, as I have spent these several years relishing in the friendship and guidance of the Lord, I’ve come to have a whole new appreciation for the symbol of the cross in addition to His Lordship.

Marinating in the heaviness and humble surrender of that Friday afternoon, picturing my friend nailed to those wooden beams, I find that I am drawn to know more about Him. If you believe that Jesus is indeed the Son of God, you know He had the power to escape such excruciating torment and unjust death. As Christians, we believe He not only allowed this to take place, but intentionally sacrificed His life in place for ours—what unfathomable love and grace for us---Perhaps the most profound piece of this equation is that in order to die for us, Christ had to set aside His power.

Maybe that sounds like a no-brainer to you, but I had never reflected on that fact before. Of course, He had to set His power aside. But as we consider what occurred three days later, that Christ rose from the dead, we have a better understanding of what 1 Corinthians 1:18-24 is talking about when it calls our attention to the fact that “Jesus Christ crucified is the power of God and the wisdom of God”. Think about that for a moment. We are not saved because of God’s power. We are saved because He laid His power aside and humbled Himself for our sake. Brennan Manning, author of “The Signature of Jesus (1988) refers to the cross as “The signature of the risen One”. I love that. “The signature of the risen One”. (sigh) That description causes my heart to beat wildly and cry out in gratitude to my Beloved Jesus.

When Christ set His power aside, He was showing His unconditional, inconceivable love for us. Manning reminds us that “power forces us to change. Love moves us to change. Power affects behavior. Love affects the heart”. With this in mind, think about the cross. Do you see Jesus’ suffering love for us? Does it not stir the deepest longings in your heart to be loved this much?

“Christ on the cross is not a mere theological precondition for salvation. It is God’s enduring word to the world, saying, ‘See how much I love you. See how much you must love one another’”. The cross is not just a symbol of my faith anymore; rather, it is a reminder of how much Jesus loves me and how much I am to love the world around me. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus tells us that if we want to be His disciples (Christ followers), we need to “take up our own cross and follow Him”. Essentially, He is saying, “let go of what power and control you think you have and look to me; follow me. I promise I will lead you to the well-spring of life where you will never thirst again”. My mind wanders to the tender words of the Apostle Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Cor. 12:9).

With my own arms outstretched, palms facing toward the heavens, as a symbol of my own sacrifice for Christ, I hold on to nothing, I relinquish all of myself, all of my dreams, plans, and notions about this life to Him and allow Him to lead me. I fully believe that Christ treasures His own snapshots of us, holding them close to His heart and saying, "She loves me thiiiiissss much".

Grace under Pressure

I cannot go through a single day without the thought of grace lingering in the forefront of my mind. Moment by moment, I have a choice of whether or not I will choose to respond to an injustice/sin in grace or allow my human instinct of judgment and consequence to spill from my lips. Grace is somewhat abstract because it is the gift of favor or pardon in light of what we deserve; however there are conditions to receiving this grace, not just from others, but from Christ as well.

Grace does not turn a blind eye to sin. Grace does not release us from accountability or even from consequences. I’ll admit that I have thought of grace as being ultra compassionate toward someone’s circumstances without judgment or consequence for a long time, but as I have attempted to understand church discipline more, I have been challenged to seek meaning in the seemingly hazy line between grace as I have always defined it and discipline.

Grace chooses to see the heart of the person before their sin and acts in response.  I can think of no better example than the story found in John 8. (Paraphrasing) A woman brought before the court had been found guilty of adultery. In those days, anyone found guilty of adultery was to be stoned to death. However, as the teachers of the Law, Pharisees and onlookers waited breathlessly to hear the woman’s sentencing, the Judge solemnly declared, “He who is without sin may cast the first stone”.  Obviously, not one was without sin and all eventually left the court, leaving only the Judge and the woman. Picture this tender moment with me:  Jesus kneels before the young woman, looks her in the eye and whispers, “Is there no one to cast the first stone?” Tears streaming down her face, her lip quivering, as both her mind and eyes question what has just happened, as she whispers an unbelieving, “No”. Jesus then tenderly cups her cheek in his hand and says, “Then neither do I. Go off and commit this sin no more”.  This is grace. Jesus saw her repentant heart, forgave her and sent her on her way while man looked at her outward appearance (1 Sam. 16:7). This is not to say that the woman did not receive any consequences; most assuredly she did. However, she was not condemned.

As Christians, we experientially know that God is grace. Everything we read, study and experience of Him oozes unfathomable grace. We also know that as Christians, we are called to imitate Christ--- to be sacrificially, gracefully accepting of all people, to forgive those that wrong us, and love our neighbors (our enemies, those with alternative life styles, beliefs, etc.---there are no exceptions) as Christ loved the Church. Think about that for a moment: how did Christ love the church? He loved with His entire being, with everything He had to give, including humbling himself from His position in Heaven to becoming and living as a common man and sacrificing His very life for our sakes. He lived his life among the beggars, thieves, diseased, prostitutes---the unlovely, the unlikeable, and the unworthy. He was eager to wash the feet of the broken, the hurting, and the sinful and He justly and wisely admonished the wrong, the prideful, and the sinners.

Even though I have not questioned God’s grace, I have wrestled for decades with the church’s grace where discipline is concerned. Several examples of church discipline come to mind: a friend while in high school got pregnant and had to share her sin before the church, another friend who had admitted to having sex outside of marriage during premarital counseling was told she could not wear white and instead had to wear a pink wedding dress. Another friend was raped by a fellow member of the church and instead of discipline being brought upon the man, the young man was forgiven by the church and still allowed to attend (which forced the girl to leave the church, question God’s love for her, and her value). Three different circumstances; three different churches and yet, in all three situations, the line between discipline and grace is confusing at best. We want to believe that the church is doing the right and best thing and in accordance with scripture, but in instances like these it causes us to question not only the church’s grace, but God’s grace as well.

I struggle with the seeming injustice often found in church discipline. It is not that I don’t believe in church discipline. I do. It is Biblical.

“Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path; the one who hates correction will die” (Proverbs 15:10).

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as His children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” (Hebrews 12:7).

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained” (Hebrews 12:11).

However, I believe some churches see the sin and not the heart of the person. If the heart is repentant, then allow natural consequences be the only discipline one receives. If the sin keeps occurring without a repentant heart, then intercession and correction are necessary.  Not one of us is without sin, not one! (1 John 1:8). It’s interesting to me to think about what sins are often brought before the church. Usually sexual immorality; I’ve never heard anything but. However, God does not weigh our sins or assign varying degrees of sin. A lie is a sin. Adultery is a sin. And both look the same in God’s eyes.

So in light of discipline, how does grace fit into the picture? Although grace is a free gift, there are conditions for receiving it and remaining in it. Here are just a few:

God gives more grace to the humble (James 4:6). Therefore, if we are humbled in Him, we will receive more grace.

“The Lord your God is gracious and merciful and will not turn His face away from you, if you return to Him” (2 Chron. 30:9). He will look upon us if we return to Him. On the flip side, if we do not return to Him, we forfeit His merciful grace.

“He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He answers you” (Is. 30:19). We must cry out to Him so He can lavish His grace upon us.

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love towards those who fear Him” (Psalm 103:11). Fearing God is not the shaking in your boots in the middle of the night kind of fear. It is a reverent, sweet humility and submission to His authority and power.  When we live within this holy respect of the Almighty God, His steadfast love is boundless toward us.

The list goes on. And as I read countless scriptures where grace is clearly conditional, I see two things. First, I see that God desires nothing more than to lavish such love and grace on us. And second, He is just waiting for the moment when we relinquish our lives to Him, seek His face and will in all things.

John Piper, in his book, “Future Grace” (2012), points out 10 conditions to receive grace:

1. Love God
2. Delight in Him
3. Draw near to Him
4. Wait on Him
5. Take refuge in Him
6. Hope in Him
7. Trust in Him
8. Cry out to Him
9. Fear Him
10. Look to Him

Does this list look like a synopsis of what having faith looks like, or what?  Faith, in essence, looks to God and embraces Him and Him alone. And although faith has inner and outer components, this list speaks to the condition of a faithful heart, to a heart emptied of self and eyes firmly fixed on Him. Clearly, the condition to receive grace is that we must have faith.”By grace you have been saved, through faith…” (Romans 3:23).

From faith grows love for others. Love is the second component to faith. It is the outward expression of our love for Christ. Loving others is a necessary evidence of our faith. It’s so important, in fact, that Christ commanded it. “This is His commandment; that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another” (1 John 3:23). Two actions: believe and love, one command. So to digest some of this information; grace is conditioned on our having faith, which is rooted in Christ’s love which then spills out onto others. So my question then becomes, what does grace look like practically when discipline is necessary?

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my teenage daughter just yesterday when I wrapped up her consequences with the words, “I am doing this because I love you. If I didn’t love you, I’d let you do whatever you wanted. Accountability is love”. I have faith in my daughter. I trust her, but she still needs guidance and every now and then discipline to keep her on the right track, especially when that track keeps veering off course.

Grace shows incredible love and devotion to the person being disciplined. It says, “I love and care so much about you to let you remain in this unhealthy place”.

I believe there is a place for church discipline, when it has been marinated in love for the person---not as a way to expose their sin, but as a way to expose them to Christ’s grace and forgiveness for them. I have yet to see church discipline done well. I think it’s a tricky thing and often can be misunderstood by the congregation as well as the recipient. Some churches are legalistic in their approach (such as the ones I mentioned at the beginning), missing the purpose of discipline. One sin is not more substantial than another in Christ’s eyes. Not one of us is worthy of casting the first stone. Therefore, to discipline, we must, must act in grace---through love for one another and with the ultimate purpose of pointing our brother or sister back to the Lord.

Can you imagine what church discipline rooted in excessive love would look like? Discipline should be an overwhelming feeling of love and respect for the recipient---intimate and grace-filled and should cause the recipient to desire to change paths, knowing they are supported every step of the way.

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15).
 
“Let all you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:14).