The truth is the majority of people are wasting their lives. And I admit I have wasted most of mine. We spend time looking for fulfillment in an array of ways only to realize we put our hope into the wrong thing…again. The new job, the new friend or new car or home may bring a temporary happiness, which many, perhaps most, misconstrue as fulfillment… but happiness is not the same thing as fulfillment. Happiness fades, true fulfillment doesn’t. My Dad was a man who lived humbly. He was a dairy farmer for the first half of his life, then a custodian. He didn’t care about worldly possessions, but the ones he had he counted as blessings…gifts from the Lord and would have readily given them up to help someone in need. To the world looking in, he would appear to be a regular Joe, a man who perhaps didn’t achieve as the world pressures. He did not chase after the mighty dollar; he did not seek after prestigious positions, or dress to impress. He was meek, dedicated to his work, devoted to his family and friends and eagerly looked forward to helping others. He longed for little and gave everything. He was humble. He was sacrificial. He was fulfilled. He did not live to the world’s standards and it didn’t bother him for he did not strive to look like the world. At his memorial service this week, where over 450 people attended, I heard countless stories of how my Dad touched their lives in remarkable ways…mostly through his attitude and his servant hood. As someone who knew his heart well, I can say I believe he had the right idea about life for he was a man fulfilled, longing to bring glory to Jesus in everything he did. He did not waste a single day…not one! If my Dad were to read these words, he would shake his head and with tears in his eyes say, “No Beloved, I have barely scratched the surface of living a life worthy of the calling”. “The calling” that he would refer to is a life basked in the hope of Jesus. As I have spent much time reflecting these past weeks since my Dad passed away, I have been reminded that life is not about mastering or attaining many things, like the world reflects; it is about being mastered by one great thing! My Dad’s life counted for something eternally…I want to be consumed by that same fire and not waste another second of my life! “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” Matthew 22: 37
I love you Dad and am hugging you in my heart...forever!
I have not written more than research papers for the past year and though I have enjoyed the challenge that it in and of itself has brought me, it has also left a deep longing to write about matters of the heart, to share my thoughts, and my wonderings openly as I continue in this journey, this relationship with Christ that often causes an inner wrestling as I struggle to know Him more intimately as Father, as Savior, as Friend... It is with deep joy and gratitude that I write today. Naked If everything I do, everything I have, and everything that people say that I am were stripped away what would remain? Without these attributes that the world has assigned me… that I have work so hard to achieve, who am I? Is it enough to be the chosen daughter of the Most High? I have been reading an amazing book titled “Home Tonight” written by Henri J.M. Nouwen. In it he describes first love and second love. First love is the love given to us by our Heavenly Father, who loves us unconditionally…before others knew or loved us, before we were anything, before we did anything. Secondary love is the love which comes from our parents, friends, and family…and even at its best; it is only a modified version of the first love. As I read this, I had two thoughts. First, I wondered if all mankind interchange these two loves. Meaning, I wonder if we expect “first love” from those who are limited in their ability, broken and flawed…and no matter their efforts are only capable of second love. At the same time, I wonder if we view God as the one who will turn His back on us. This may seem like a bit of a stretch, but perhaps we expect more from people than we expect from God, which makes me wonder, what do I expect from God, if anything at all? Personally, I have sought out large parts of my identity from others. I look to my co-workers to acknowledge my patience and positivity. I look to my husband to show me my beauty and humor. I look to my parents (even at the age I am) to tell me I’m OK and that I am on the right track. I look for approval. “The world tells you; ‘you are what you do, so do something relevant. You are what you have, so get busy and acquire all you can. You are what others think of you, so act properly and gain respect’” (Nouwen, 37). I wonder again, as I read through this short list of expectations, if I could leave them, not engage them and live a life simply as the Beloved’s daughter, chosen and loved simply because…because He wanted me. Can I accept that I am enough for Him without having to earn it? Am I enough? Can I stop looking to the world for approval, for my identity? Can I find solace in knowing I am His? Can I reach the point where I no longer need another person to tell me who I am or give me an identity? Desperately, my heart wants to cry out, “Yes! Yes, it is enough to be His
The truth is the majority of people are wasting their lives. And I admit I have wasted most of mine. We spend time looking for fulfillment in an array of ways only to realize we put our hope into the wrong thing…again. The new job, the new friend or new car or home may bring a temporary happiness, which many, perhaps most, misconstrue as fulfillment… but happiness is not the same thing as fulfillment. Happiness fades, true fulfillment doesn’t. 