Object of Love

I admit that I am often self-focused, rather than God-focused. What I mean by that is that I tend to view God through my value, my unworthiness more that I see Him and Him alone. I tend to pair us together: Him, being holy and completely worthy and me being an unworthy sinner. Marinating in this truth is healthy to some degree. It is healthy when it propels us toward repentance and/or to worship for it glorifies the Lord richly when we acknowledge Him, His authority, and His gracious, extravagant love that He lavished on us through the gift of His perfect Son and continues to bestow upon us daily in a multitude of ways. However, I sometimes get caught up more in my role than in His role during this contemplation.  I see myself and my sin before I see Him and His glory.

Only in God’s perfect timing would I be lead to read the words penned by Scottish theologian and minster, Henry Scougal , in his book, “The Life of God in the Soul of a Man” (1677). In it, he writes, “The worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love.” If you know me even a little, you know I have not put these words to rest, but pondered them deeply for weeks.  As Scougal writes, he details, to the best of our human abilities, the passions, obsessions, and complete adoration Christ cradles in the palm of His nail pierced hand. As Christians, we have the belief that He is absolutely, positively passionate about us, His Son, and that His name is known throughout the world. We understand to a miniscule degree the passions of Christ.

Where, I wondered, have I placed my love? Scougal continues to push me into deeper reflection with his words, “The most ravishing pleasures, the most solid and substantial delights that human nature is capable of, are those which arise from the endearments of a well-placed and successful affection”, meaning that when our love is well-placed, our soul’s pleasures will not be surpassed. It is here that excellency is revealed. I wish I could say that my love and devotion was always placed in God. It is not. I lose sight of Him and my view of Him becomes clouded my by inadequacies, sin, and/or taking Him for granted.

In the quiet of the early morning, as the sun was just cresting the horizon, I was so intensely touched by the splendor of God that tears flooded my eyes and a peace I have not known for some time overcame me. I shook my head as I choked back the tears and whispered aloud, “Lord, there is just something about you…” That day I looked for Him constantly. I had seen Him and I could not help but to want to see more of Him. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13.  I saw Him alright! It was as if I was beholding His glory for the first time and now I cannot help but to see Him everywhere. I see His majestic glory in the rugged mountains, knowing the forces over countless years that formed them, the trees, in variety, in a manifold of greens, and the shadows that move with the orbiting Earth as the massive sun continues to shine constantly. I see His glory in the glittering stars far too numerous for me to count. I see His glory in the vastness and depth of the ocean and the power that pushes the mass of the water’s waves mile after mile. I see it in my kids as they laugh. The human body with all its complex systems working together…I am awed and left breathless as a quickening in my heart revels in His beauty. He is absolutely majestic! And it has nothing to do with me.

  “I Can Only Imagine” one of the most beautiful songs written by MercyMe, ponders our reaction upon seeing Christ face to face. The chorus resonates with my own questions:

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I love this song! And in light of seeing Christ so vividly these past weeks here on Earth, I cannot help but to ask the same questions the song poses… seeing Him, knowing Him, loving Him, how on Earth could I carry on as if I did not see Him to begin with? It is my absolute hope and desire to magnify Him at all costs; at all costs in everything I say and do.

The splendor of our King is evident all around us. We are in His very presence. I am guilty of losing sight of that. I am guilty about letting my role in our relationship dictate my actions, rather than reveling in Christ’s role. All I want is Him. He is enough, more than enough for me.

One of my greatest hopes in life is that people will see, feel, and hear something different in my life that can only be explained by the presence of Christ dwelling within my heart. I want whatever they know about me to point them to Christ. I want them to see that He is the object of my love and I am wholly devoted to Him.