Serving: A Demonstration of God's Grace

Fear usually stops us dead in our tracks. It’s in our protective nature not put ourselves in harm’s way or in a situation that may bring about pain. Most of the time, this is a healthy fear. However, when fear keeps us on the sidelines of an opportunity to serve Christ, we communicate that we do not trust that God is in control. I have sat here this week in deep contemplation over an amazing opportunity to serve Christ in an area that has been a dream of mine for countless years. Stifled by fear, I said nothing to anyone for several days about this opportunity.

In my solitude, I reasoned that I was not good enough, that I would get in the way of what Christ desires to do through this ministry. I reasoned that my motives, though pure on this side of the opportunity, may become off kilter and at some point I would serve on my own strength and/or for my own pleasure rather than God’s. Essentially, I reasoned I would fail in one regard or another.

Isn’t that just like us: to think about our role, rather than God’s role? How I struggle with that! I measure myself against a monumental task and automatically see that I am not equipped, not big enough, and strong enough to take on such as task. I see this before I see that God IS…God IS! God is bigger than it all and it is for His perfect glory that we serve and in our need for Him, He is magnified. How easy it is to lose this perspective, even if temporary.

Twice this week the parable of the three talents was brought up in discussion. To refresh your memory, the story goes a little something like this:

As a man was getting ready to depart on a journey, he entrusted each one of his servants a portion of his property. To the first servant, he gave five talents, to the second servant he gave two talents, and to the third servant he gave one talent. The story goes on to tell that the servant with five talents invested his money and earned an additional five talents. The servant with two talents also put his talents to work and, like the first servant, doubled his investment. The last servant, who had received one talent, buried his talent in the ground.  After a long while, the master returned to settle accounts with his servants. Upon seeing that two of the servants doubled their investments, he praised them saying, “Well done, good and faithful servants! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master’s happiness” (Matthew 25:21).  Then the servant who had buried his one talent approached his master saying, “I know how hard you work. I feared wasting your talent and disappointing you, so I kept it safe for you. Here it is, safe and sound!” The master, angered by the servant’s laziness (perhaps, obsessive cautiousness), said, “You would have been better to have invested the talent in the bank, where I would have at least got a little interest”. Then, he took the talent and gave it to the one who has risked the most.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly see myself in this parable. Fear of failing, fear of disappointing our ever precious Savior is often a tactic Satan employs on those who desire to be faithful in service to Christ.  Fear is not of Christ. Fear isolates. Fear prevents growth.  At this thought… this fact, I can practically hear Him ask, “Will you serve me, even if you suffer, even if you fail by the world’s standards? By trusting me, Beloved, you will be my precious demonstration of my holiness. Trust me to go about my Father’s business through you”.

Feeling convicted for elevating my role over Christ’s once again, I pour out my heart to Him, confessing my pride, my inadequacies, my fears and ask Him to take it all… My Precious Redeemer, empty me of anything unpleasing to you, mold me and shape me into a vessel that will not only be filled with your living water, but to be of use.  I want desperately to invest your talents that you have bestowed upon me, not to hide them out of fear of failure. Lord, my ultimate desire is to be the servant that stands tall and confidently says, “Here I am! Send me! Use me!” With this petition, my hearts finds rest on the knowledge that God does not leave to uncertain risk, our growth and perserverance in holiness. Rather, He says, "I will put my Spirit within you, and will cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances" (Ezekiel 36:27). I find incredible comfort in knowing it is God who works in us to will and do His good pleasure (Hebrews 13:21).

Where I see God working is my call to also serve there. It is there I am to invest His talents that He has lent me.  How I desire to not let those talents go void because of fear. Instead, it is my hope that I will one day hear Him say, “Well done, my good and precious servant”.

Fear or Faith?

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind”. 2 Timothy 1:7

I have to be honest and admit that though I have heard these words countless times in my life, even memorized them, I have not taken them to heart and pondered them deeply, until this week. These are words to live by, to hold sacred-- deep within our souls to combat those times when drought, anxiousness, and worry find residency in our hearts and minds. However, I believe most of us don’t readily accept these words. We may even say, “This may be true for him/her, but it is not true for me”. We don’t trust God’s words. Instead we choose, yes choose, to live in fear rather than in faith.

Sitting in a disheveled bedroom, so cluttered that there was nowhere to sit but a small clearing on the floor, I found myself face to face with a tear stained and equally disheveled young girl. It was recently discovered that she had been cutting herself. Feeling completely ill equipped, as this topic was certainly out of my realm of both knowledge and comfortableness; I found myself sharing these very words, though it sounded more like: you have the choice to choose fear or choose faith. When you choose fear, you are clearly saying, “God is not big enough for this situation”.  The girl’s eyes had not made contact with mine for quite some time, but at these words, her eyes shot me a hot and bitter look, as if to say, “That’s not true!”

“That’s not true!” we may say of ourselves when confronted by our own actions. We have a hundred excuses as to why we are in the driver’s seat and Christ is in the passenger’s seat. Somehow we reason that if I just do this or if I just do that, then all will be OK. We may reason that we are helping God or that we need to clean up our lives before we really let Christ take up residency in our heart. Somehow we try to atone for our sins through duty, rather than by repentance.

Because I know so very little about cutting, I found it interesting that this young girl revealed to me that she wanted all the pain and sin to be washed out with the blood. Graphic, I know.  At her words, an image of Jesus’ bruised, bloodied, and broken body on the cross flashed in my mind. I can only speculate that she was attempting to some degree to pay a price for some wrong doing or some injustice that had been done to her.
 
Though not nearly as graphic, we too attempt to find our own salvation or atone for our sins though piling up good works or attempting to living to the letter of the law, rather than to the spirit of the law…payment in some regard for what we have received or to compensate for what we have done. Having accepted Christ into our hearts, we still find ourselves trying to earn something we already have: His acceptance, His unconditional love for us, our eternal salvation.
 
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives love lives in God, and God in Him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”. 1 John 4:16-18.

The silence compressed heavily on my heart and my mind searched rapidly for the right words to say to this young girl, praying for words of wisdom, I found none.  I reached out to touch her, to comfort her, only for my touch to be rejected. A single tear fell down my cheek and my nose begun to run. Hurting, I could not resist the question…”Does cutting really help relieve your pain? Does it make whatever has happened better?” Without looking up, she straightforwardly said, “No, but it might someday and that’s why I keep trying.”

“And that’s why I keep trying”. Her words felt like a trampling of wild horses across my chest. Though her secret had been discovered, she had no intention of stopping. She believed that this ludicrous act would save her, would take away her sins, that causing herself to bleed would somehow bring her the peace she so, so desperately seeks.  I wonder, if we too, “keep trying” to find that fulfillment, that right combination of works and worship in hopes that we would find God’s favor.  Sure, we know we have it already, but our actions reveal that we don’t trust that knowledge. It is, like this young girl, fear-- a lack of trust that drives us to such unnecessary lengths.

The girl, seeing my tears, softened and moved slightly closer to me, though she still resisted my touch. I smiled a toothless smile and as I did, I fell into such a deep weeping that it seemed impossible to stop.  Once composed, I told her that I had good news for her. Looking back on the situation, I am sure she thought I was a lunatic: sobbing uncontrollably one moment and saying I had good news the next. I told her that someone had already shed all His blood for her. And it would only be His, the perfect Lamb of God, whose blood would work to take away our sins and hurt and to replace them with peace and salvation. Because He did this, she did not have to. Her sacrifice would not earn her anything or take anything away. Because as a young girl, she had already accepted Christ as Lord of her life, she already had acceptance, forgiveness, and salvation. Somehow, like we often do, she lost sight of that. She thought she needed to add to what Christ has already done.

At these words, the girl began to cry. Wiping her nose with her shirt, I wondered what she would say. She said nothing, though she did lay her head on my lap. Her journey is far from over. She will need constant reminding that she already has all she needs in Christ. Perhaps, we too need that reminding. I know I do from time to time as it is entirely too easy for me to add to what Christ has already given to me.  Trusting that He is enough is hard.  Trust takes time and commitment to build.  If we are not spending time in intimate fellowship with Christ, we do not know Him and it becomes easy to start living from a place of fear, because fear is our natural state without Christ.

I ended my time with this girl with the question, “Will you choose to live in fear or will you choose to live in faith? It is a choice we all have to make. Our actions will reveal our choice”. No words were spoken as she hugged me tight.  I pray that the Lord would increase my faith, for there are times I question, times I doubt, and certainly times I live life for me and on my own strength. I want more of Him in my life. I desperately want to live according to what I know rather than what I feel.

Without a doubt, life will bring challenges. These challenges do not separate us from God. Fear separates us from God--and "fear in its purest form is really unbelief, the false conviction that God can't, God won"t...so I must. Faith on the other hand, chooses to believe that God can, God wants to, and God will...so I will choose to trust Him with my life." Faith and fear are mutually exclusive. Only one can rule our hearts.