Boots

Meg slowly slid into the truck this day, looking deep in thought, not saying a word. Usually quite upbeat after our time at Raven Rock Ranch, this day Meg looked as if she was about to cry. I turned the corner onto the tree lined gravel driveway, heading towards home, hoping she would open up but silence met me and begged not to leave. Almost home, I finally asked, “Are you OK?" Without a word, she turned to face the window, but I still saw a single tear fall from her dark chocolate eyes and her petal pink lower lip began to quiver. Searching my mind for the answer so she would not have to breathe it to life herself, I asked, “Did something happen at the ranch today that upset you?” Her gaze lingered on her folded hands resting on her lap as she shook her head no and then yes. I usually try not to pry or rush her into sharing something before she is ready, but it was clear she was hurting and as her mother is it hard to let her marinate in that level of pain.  “What, honey? Tell me about it”. When she opened her mouth to speak her words quickly became uncontrolled heavy sobs.  I could only make out a single word: boots. Now I understood.

This day she had been gifted with riding boots to borrow while we are at the ranch. Sandy, owner and operator of Raven Rock Ranch, casually mentioned that she had bought some riding boots for the children who visit the ranch, feeling it was important because of the angle in which the child’s heels rest in the stirrups and the message it sends to the horse. Meg had been wearing rubber rain boots which are cute and keep moisture out, but would not protect her feet from her four-footed angel, Rusty’s 1200 pound body if he were to misstep or offer the freedom to dip her heel in the stirrups. At any rate, Sandy told Meg the boots were in the tack room and to find a pair that would fit.

Meg later told me the boots were still in the box—brand new. “I knew Sandy expected me to wear them and I knew they were better for riding, and for Rusty too, so I wore them, but I felt guilty for wearing them”. She did not have to explain any further for I, too, have known this kind of guilt---an unworthiness for receiving something without any merit on my part--But Meg did continue. She asked, “Why would she do something so nice for me? She really doesn’t know me that well and she spent her money on me”. Without a thought, I softly replied, “Because she loves you, Meg…because she loves you and wants the best for you”.  She was quiet the rest of the ride home and even for awhile once home. I imagine that she was processing that someone she has only known a short time genuinely cares about her. Later that night, when her Daddy came home from work and asked about the ranch, the first thing she mentioned, with those dancing, chocolate eyes, was the riding boots! This time joy oozed with each spoken word, not guilt.

Misplaced guilt, guilt that is not warranted because we have done nothing wrong or dishonored God in anyway, sneaks in to rob us of the freedom we are meant to live in Christ. It destroys our joy and binds us to feelings of unworthiness. Misplace guilt isolates us, sentencing us to a life deprive of acceptance for who we are in Christ.  It focuses on self, rather than on Christ. Simply, misplaced guilt is crippling.

I have known for a long time that Meg believes she has no value, that she was an accident, and is loved only out of obligation and to have watched her agonize unnecessarily over a precious, thoughtful gift broke my heart--- and yet I wondered if this gesture of kindness would be the spark she needs to expose her value.  We haven’t been back to the ranch since this day, but I am eager to see how she feels when she pulls on those leather riding boots later this week.  It is my prayer that she will wear them in freedom and not out of obligation or guilt---that she will embrace this beautiful gift and see her worth.

We do not need to feel guilt for something that honors God.  The only way to battle the crippling effects of misplaced guilt is to live rooted in the absolute, unshakable belief in the promises of God, hold them close to our hearts, and never doubt Who He is; what He has done and will do for us. This is called “living by faith”—having complete confidence in “future grace” and a life of freedom from crippling guilt. Doubt is a tactic Satan loves, absolutely loves to employ as it keeps us from living fully vested in Christ.

Meg talks constantly about Raven Rock Ranch, Rusty: her angel in a horse suit (!) and Sandy, her faithful sidekick and mentor constantly as each element of this piece of heaven on earth has gifted her with a joy that I have never, never seen before. The boots…she will wear them every visit and I believe they will serve as a reminder of her value---someone loves her and cares about her, not because they have to, but because they want to—they choose to! 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Can we, like Paul, not only find contentment in weakness, hardships, persecution, and calamities, but also view these circumstances as opportunities to exalt Christ? Our value is intricately woven into this scripture and begs us to keep our focus on Christ, the Author and Perfector of our faith and not on our self. It is here that we see our value. He chose us!  He loves us! He forgives us! He blesses us…even with boots!

Past, Present, and Future Grace

"Future grace”—grace that we can confidently depend on because we have evidence of grace that we have already been gifted with in faith—“past grace”, is the essence of Romans 8:28, perhaps one of the most recognized pillars of promise in the Bible. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. Though sacred in the hearts and minds of many believers, it is also a passage of scripture easily discounted in times of great difficulty.

This “all encompassing promise is massively rooted in the irrevocable work of bygone grace”, writes author and Pastor John Piper about this precious promise. Don’t miss this—the grace we have already received cannot be undone, it cannot be taken away, or diminished with time. It is the evidence we crave to our unseen hope. It is as permanent as are the nail pierced scares on Jesus’ hands and the love in which His incomprehensible grace is gifted.  I picture Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father, tracing the scares with his finger as he whispers our name. “For you”, He says, “all for you, my best and nothing less. To you I give my unsurpassing promise that all things, yes, Beloved, all things will work together for those who love me and are called according to my purpose”.

Bygone grace. The word “bygone” as a description of grace pierces my heart, inflicting a convicting, saddening pain; for the word’s undercurrent is a wistful longing for what once was as if it was unlikely to reoccur.   Grace’s life-giving breath tends to become deflated as we move through one trial into another. The vibrancy of our gratitude pastels with time and our zeal wanes. I am reminded and encouraged by the Old Testament story of Joshua leading twelve men, one from each tribe, across the Jordan River into the Promise Land. When God gave Joshua this instruction, He also told him that each of these men were to “take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests stood, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight” (Joshua 4:2-3). Can you picture the stones? I am sure my imagination has been tainted by Sunday School felt board stories, but I picture them being rather significant in size. They had to have been, for they were to be piled up, bringing attention to their significant meaning: God had grace on them in a mighty way! Their children and their children’s children would ask what the stones meant and thus began a beautiful story of the grace that God bestowed on them. 

What I find encouraging is that these stone markers were not a one time event. The men of the Old Testament often built alters or pillars of stones, architecture of past grace, as a reminder of God’s sovereignty and confidence in future grace. Can you imagine, walking along the stone markers with your child and sharing the countless acts of grace that God had gifted us with? I can practically hear the child begging, “Oh, tell me about the time when God…”, as her eyes dance in anticipation of a story she has surely heard before. The story doesn’t get old; it breathes life into the next generation. For the child, the stories are the beginning of an intimate love relationship with their Heavenly Father. For the adult, it not only reminds us of God’s ever watchful eye and guiding hand, but gives us the courage to go into battle confidently…confidently, because we are certain that His grace will once again wash over us completely.

Allowing myself to nestle deeply in the precious promise of Romans 8:28, I find myself deeply grateful that my merciful God would even look my way, not to mention sacrificing His Son for me and cheer me on in this fleeting life, all the while promising me that all things will work together for those who love Him. Humbly, I attempt to thank Him for this bountiful gift. My words are feeble as they could never portray what my heart feels. Grace is the receiving something we don’t deserve—we haven’t earned it, we can’t do it ourselves. The definition usually stops here. However, I believe that we cannot repay grace. We are not meant to, perhaps it is impossible. Instead, we are meant to treasure the gift, allowing it to nurture the roots that are required to confidently and authentically live within this verse.  The deeper the roots, the stronger the structure, so it is with us. The deeper our roots are in Christ, the more unshakable we become in life’s inevitable trials.

The world offers a mirage of substitutes, offering quick fixes, temporary hope and happiness. With time, its shallow root system decays and we find ourselves back at square one. Living, really living in the massive, unshakable structure of Romans 8:28, we have confidence in our sovereign God, a refuge, security, and hope that only God can graciously give.  This is not to say that as Christians we will not suffer. We most assuredly will suffer. We will face trials of all kinds. It is in these trails, in our pain that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him”. That’s the goal: to bring glory to Christ, to magnify His name in all seasons. Please don’t miss this, as it is the heartbeat of our faith.

Without a doubt, there have been times when we, as Christians---those called by God for his purpose--have not been rescued in the way we hoped or escaped a painful situation. Bad things do happen to good people. God is not the author of evil. He will, however, use those situations to bring glory to His name. We can have complete confidence in the fact that what He began in us, he will complete. He will work all things together for our good because “[our]calling guarantees [our] justification; and [our] justification in turn, guarantees [our] glorification; and glorification is the ultimate fulfillment of Romans 8:28—endless ages of seeing God make everything in the universe serve our holy joy in Him”. (John Piper)

With each stone marker, I will praise Him for His sovereign grace, the fulfilling of His promises, and know with absolute certainty He will continue to work all things together in my life until Romans 8:28 is fulfilled. Joy floods my soul at this thought!

“We shall bring our Lord most glory if we get from Him much grace. If I have much faith, so that I can take God at His word…I shall greatly honor my Lord and King”. Charles Spurgeon

Serving: A Demonstration of God's Grace

Fear usually stops us dead in our tracks. It’s in our protective nature not put ourselves in harm’s way or in a situation that may bring about pain. Most of the time, this is a healthy fear. However, when fear keeps us on the sidelines of an opportunity to serve Christ, we communicate that we do not trust that God is in control. I have sat here this week in deep contemplation over an amazing opportunity to serve Christ in an area that has been a dream of mine for countless years. Stifled by fear, I said nothing to anyone for several days about this opportunity.

In my solitude, I reasoned that I was not good enough, that I would get in the way of what Christ desires to do through this ministry. I reasoned that my motives, though pure on this side of the opportunity, may become off kilter and at some point I would serve on my own strength and/or for my own pleasure rather than God’s. Essentially, I reasoned I would fail in one regard or another.

Isn’t that just like us: to think about our role, rather than God’s role? How I struggle with that! I measure myself against a monumental task and automatically see that I am not equipped, not big enough, and strong enough to take on such as task. I see this before I see that God IS…God IS! God is bigger than it all and it is for His perfect glory that we serve and in our need for Him, He is magnified. How easy it is to lose this perspective, even if temporary.

Twice this week the parable of the three talents was brought up in discussion. To refresh your memory, the story goes a little something like this:

As a man was getting ready to depart on a journey, he entrusted each one of his servants a portion of his property. To the first servant, he gave five talents, to the second servant he gave two talents, and to the third servant he gave one talent. The story goes on to tell that the servant with five talents invested his money and earned an additional five talents. The servant with two talents also put his talents to work and, like the first servant, doubled his investment. The last servant, who had received one talent, buried his talent in the ground.  After a long while, the master returned to settle accounts with his servants. Upon seeing that two of the servants doubled their investments, he praised them saying, “Well done, good and faithful servants! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master’s happiness” (Matthew 25:21).  Then the servant who had buried his one talent approached his master saying, “I know how hard you work. I feared wasting your talent and disappointing you, so I kept it safe for you. Here it is, safe and sound!” The master, angered by the servant’s laziness (perhaps, obsessive cautiousness), said, “You would have been better to have invested the talent in the bank, where I would have at least got a little interest”. Then, he took the talent and gave it to the one who has risked the most.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly see myself in this parable. Fear of failing, fear of disappointing our ever precious Savior is often a tactic Satan employs on those who desire to be faithful in service to Christ.  Fear is not of Christ. Fear isolates. Fear prevents growth.  At this thought… this fact, I can practically hear Him ask, “Will you serve me, even if you suffer, even if you fail by the world’s standards? By trusting me, Beloved, you will be my precious demonstration of my holiness. Trust me to go about my Father’s business through you”.

Feeling convicted for elevating my role over Christ’s once again, I pour out my heart to Him, confessing my pride, my inadequacies, my fears and ask Him to take it all… My Precious Redeemer, empty me of anything unpleasing to you, mold me and shape me into a vessel that will not only be filled with your living water, but to be of use.  I want desperately to invest your talents that you have bestowed upon me, not to hide them out of fear of failure. Lord, my ultimate desire is to be the servant that stands tall and confidently says, “Here I am! Send me! Use me!” With this petition, my hearts finds rest on the knowledge that God does not leave to uncertain risk, our growth and perserverance in holiness. Rather, He says, "I will put my Spirit within you, and will cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances" (Ezekiel 36:27). I find incredible comfort in knowing it is God who works in us to will and do His good pleasure (Hebrews 13:21).

Where I see God working is my call to also serve there. It is there I am to invest His talents that He has lent me.  How I desire to not let those talents go void because of fear. Instead, it is my hope that I will one day hear Him say, “Well done, my good and precious servant”.

Trust

I am certain the imagine of Meg gently laying her head on the nape of Rusty’s neck  as we were setting out to leave the Ranch today will forever be imbedded in my mind. I hope it is at least for it captured a tender moment between a hurting girl and a horse who knows pain all too well himself. Hugging Rusty after a gentle meandering through trails blazing with harvest colors and crisp leaves under foot this afternoon; I saw a connection between them that I did not see so readily last week. There was trust.

Trust usually takes time to build. Though it has only been two weeks, an unyielding bond has been made between girl and horse. Perhaps there is an unspoken language rooted in deep respect for what one another have been through. There is tenderness toward one another, a beautiful dance of love and respect, of safety and harmony. Nothing, nothing could be more beautiful to witness as the melody of grace fills the air.

In sharing our experience at Raven Rock Ranch, I have repeatedly said, “There is just something incredibly remarkable happening there”. The foundation itself was built upon Christ and without a doubt; His grace is touching hearts, kids and parents alike, on a monumental scale. This place is different. This is not a temporary fix, this is life-giving. This is Hope. And it is here that my Meg is learning to trust!

Until today, Meg has not known this kind of trust. She lives on the defensive, always, as a way to protect her heart from being hurt further. She lives from the place of doubt and discouragement. Her wounds are not only raw; they run deep, to the core of who she is. She has been in desperate need of our Great Physician for years, though she cannot see that. As her parents, we have tried countless things from extracurricular activities to help build her self esteem to counseling and medication; all which leave her with temporary results, temporary hopes.

Watching Rusty run to the fence to greet Meg is an image of how it is when we show up to spend time with God. He RUNS to us. It doesn’t matter where we have been, what we have done or what has been done to us. He is jubilant in our return! In our return, He see our hearts and the dark, searing pain and is not spooked or surprised by it, rather the melodious dance of grace continues as He so gently whispers in our ear, “…by my wounds you have been healed, my Beloved (Isaiah 53:5). Trust in me.

Trusting in the promise that God will work all things together for those who love and have been called according to His purpose not only brings Him immense and holy pleasure (Romans 8:28), but also reminds me that it is for HIS good and perfect pleasure we seek, not ours, that though our hopes for healing may or may not take place, His glory is the ultimate goal. It has taken me a long time to see that even when my prayers, hopes, and dreams are not answered as I would like, that God is still God. He is still merciful, still trustworthy.

I know that I can do nothing on my own strength to bring God glory. I need Him. Honestly, I am in great need of Him. I have waited for His strength, His courage, knowing fully that He, in His perfect timing, would supply all that I need. And without a doubt, I see it so clearly at Raven Rock Ranch that I cannot keep my joy hidden (unfortunately my joy comes out in tears, which is embarrassing!). I have put my hope in Him. He is my Refuge, my Strength, and my Treasure.  “From Him and through Him and to Him are all things; to Him be glory forever and ever”(Romans 11:36).

Trust is the first step toward healing and today, Meg took it with Rusty.

Hope

The fragrance of Hope filled the air, smelling like a sweet bewilderment of musky sweat and dust; the smell of horses to be exact.  Thursday was a day I found myself unable to stop smiling, constantly biting the inside of my cheek to keep tears from spilling out, and silently praying prayers of immeasurable gratitude as I watched my dear Meg nuzzle noses with Rusty, a copper colored horse at Raven Rock Ranch, a place where God’s grace is extravagantly gifted to children who are struggling or are at risk.

Usually a horse that sits back to see what will be asked of him, this day Rusty, a rescue horse who was gravely neglected, RAN to see the new girl! It was love at first sight! Meg, a nearly thirteen year old girl, has been living in the dark pit of depression and anxiety for quite some time, rarely smiles or engages in conversation, smiled constantly this day! As her face beamed, my heart swelled with thanksgiving for the precious gift of Hope that lingered in the air. It was obvious that my sweet Meg was still in there somewhere.

As I watched Meg’s short and gentle brush strokes send dust from Rusty’s back into the filtered sunbeams in the barn, I was reminded of that morning’s reading, specifically Psalm 147:11 “The Lord takes pleasure in those who hope in His love”. Biting my quivering lip, I allowed my mind to bask in the Truth. I could practically see the smiling face of God as I breathed deeply His bountiful life-giving grace He was bestowing on my family at that very moment!

What pleases God is not our work for Him, but our need for Him.  For years, I have begged Him to rescue my daughter from the foothold that Satan clearly has in her life and for years I did not see Him working. I worked, on my own strength a good share of the time, exhausting my resources and shattering my ill-placed hope time and time again. Brokenhearted and completely humbled, I whispered aloud, “God, I know you love her more than I do. How it must grieve your heart to watch her like this. I know that You are bigger than this. I need You so desperately, she needs You so desperately”. Then, there on my knees, I opened my hands toward the sky as a way to say, I am not holding on to this anymore. I am handing it to you.  I trust in you alone. I will wait for you.

Trembling as I sat there in front of my large picture window, the place I love to sit and pray, the words of an old hymn from my childhood, “How Great Thou Art” came to mind and I once again found myself in tears as I praised His precious and holy name.  God is so good. He is so merciful. Regardless of what life brings, I am eternally devoted to Him and will magnifying Him, His mercy, grace, and love at all costs! Who God is does not change because of circumstances. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is unchanging.

Once home, I stripped off my barn clothes only to catch the fragrance of Hope once again. Instead of tossing my clothes into the wash, I held them to my nose and breathed deeply the scent of one of the most precious gifts my family has ever been given: God’s tender mercy. I cannot offer God anything but my humble praise and gratitude. I pray that in this and through this experience at Raven Rock Ranch that His glory will be magnified as His grace satisfies the hearts of all who ride there!

Hoping in Christ’s love is the fragrance of His grace and this week it smelled like horses!

Chosen

What do you say to a nearly thirteen year old girl, who is the product of rape, as deep sobs spill out along with the words, “I was not planned, I am a mistake, not worthy of love and attention.  I am the product of a monster and now you are stuck raising me”? Though I have known she struggles with her identity, I never knew my own daughter believed she was loved out of obligation. I tenderly cradle her face in my hands and look deep into her eyes and say, “Though you were not my plan, you were God’s plan and His plans are far better than anything I could possibly imagine. He does not make mistakes. He does not make accidents. He is the author of all that is good. ‘What Satan intends for evil, God intends for good’ (Genesis 50:20) and without a doubt, Meg, “God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28)

“You were chosen, Dear Meg. You were elected to be my daughter and more importantly, you were elected to be the daughter of the Most High, our Precious, precious Savior. God knew your ‘inmost being and knit you together in my womb’. I cannot help but to praise Him constantly, Meg, because you are ‘fully and wonderfully made’. Sure, you were made in sin, but that did not escape God’s ever watchful eye or what He was planning for you.  He saw your unformed body in my belly and He smiled as He thought to himself, ‘How wonderful it will be to watch my plan for this ever precious girl to unfold. Boy, do I have so much in store for her’. Meg, God thinks about you constantly. You can never escape His thoughts or the love He has for you, as they well outnumber the grains of sand on every beach. God made you on purpose and for a purpose. You were chosen by Him! (Psalm 139)

Her sobs slow and she is listening intently, not objecting to this truth. I shared more of her story, a story we rarely talk about. We have only given her enough information to answer her on-going questions about her conception, for fear of sharing something she is not ready to hear. However, we missed sharing the most important part of her story. I share with her that her story actually begins years before she was even born. Her Daddy and I tried for three years, approximately 36 times to have her. We wanted another baby more than anything. She was my all consuming thought and desire. I prayed for her constantly all those years, though I did not know her. It was only short time prior to the rape that we were told we would not be able to have any more children. I gave away my crib and resolved that this was God’s plan for us and our desire for another child would instead come through adoption. Heartbroken, I deeply mourned something I felt I lost.

“Meg, you have no idea how much I wanted you. You were not planned to come into our lives like you did. I didn’t know what to expect. Though I did know you were a blessing, for God says repeatedly that “All children are a blessing from the Lord.”(Psalm 127:3) You are my pearl, my treasure of great value formed from a very horrific situation. I loved you before you were born and I love you more with each passing day, not because I have to, but because I cannot help but to love who you are. I choose to love you. Both sobbing now, I kissed her face a million times saying over and over again, I love you, I love you, I love you.

This morning as I was reading, God brought me to a complete stand still as my mind was taken to a place I never anticipated. Reading about God in His sovereignty, choosing to set His free and merciful love upon us, I saw that time and time again throughout scripture that His love is not constrained by anything we do, by our virtue, or are anything we are born into or born as a result of. Christ choosing us has everything to do with His pleasure and nothing to do with our merit. What extravagant grace that He would choose to love us despite our human abilities or inabilities. “He [God] is free to choose whomever He pleases, even if He has to create a child by a miraculous birth” (John Piper). We see this clearly in the Old Testament story of Abraham and Sarah when God’s promise is fulfilled in a divine and miraculous way when he blesses them with their son, Isaac, though Sarah was decades past child-bearing age.

Upon reading these words, I let out the biggest gasp and held my heart for I felt so strongly that these words were meant for me to read this very day! These words are not a new concept to me by any means. I guess I just needed to see them in view of a different light, in view of something so close to my heart---something so very, very personal. Perhaps, like Meg, we wonder if we are loved out of obligation. Take heart and bask, Beloved, in the fact that if you know Jesus as your Savior, you have been chosen and He dances over you with singing and covers you with His wings. You are His! You were created on purpose and for a purpose.  He foreknew you and chose you to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” (Romans 8:29)

Meg is a “Child of Promise”. God not only formed her, has plans to prosper her and not to harm her (Jeremiah 29:11), but has chosen her as His daughter.  He chose her! He chose her! He didn’t choose her out of obligation or by any merit of her own, but strictly for His own pleasure. He loves her because He chooses to love her.  He delights over her. And so do I! A millions times over, I would chose her.

Object of Love

I admit that I am often self-focused, rather than God-focused. What I mean by that is that I tend to view God through my value, my unworthiness more that I see Him and Him alone. I tend to pair us together: Him, being holy and completely worthy and me being an unworthy sinner. Marinating in this truth is healthy to some degree. It is healthy when it propels us toward repentance and/or to worship for it glorifies the Lord richly when we acknowledge Him, His authority, and His gracious, extravagant love that He lavished on us through the gift of His perfect Son and continues to bestow upon us daily in a multitude of ways. However, I sometimes get caught up more in my role than in His role during this contemplation.  I see myself and my sin before I see Him and His glory.

Only in God’s perfect timing would I be lead to read the words penned by Scottish theologian and minster, Henry Scougal , in his book, “The Life of God in the Soul of a Man” (1677). In it, he writes, “The worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love.” If you know me even a little, you know I have not put these words to rest, but pondered them deeply for weeks.  As Scougal writes, he details, to the best of our human abilities, the passions, obsessions, and complete adoration Christ cradles in the palm of His nail pierced hand. As Christians, we have the belief that He is absolutely, positively passionate about us, His Son, and that His name is known throughout the world. We understand to a miniscule degree the passions of Christ.

Where, I wondered, have I placed my love? Scougal continues to push me into deeper reflection with his words, “The most ravishing pleasures, the most solid and substantial delights that human nature is capable of, are those which arise from the endearments of a well-placed and successful affection”, meaning that when our love is well-placed, our soul’s pleasures will not be surpassed. It is here that excellency is revealed. I wish I could say that my love and devotion was always placed in God. It is not. I lose sight of Him and my view of Him becomes clouded my by inadequacies, sin, and/or taking Him for granted.

In the quiet of the early morning, as the sun was just cresting the horizon, I was so intensely touched by the splendor of God that tears flooded my eyes and a peace I have not known for some time overcame me. I shook my head as I choked back the tears and whispered aloud, “Lord, there is just something about you…” That day I looked for Him constantly. I had seen Him and I could not help but to want to see more of Him. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13.  I saw Him alright! It was as if I was beholding His glory for the first time and now I cannot help but to see Him everywhere. I see His majestic glory in the rugged mountains, knowing the forces over countless years that formed them, the trees, in variety, in a manifold of greens, and the shadows that move with the orbiting Earth as the massive sun continues to shine constantly. I see His glory in the glittering stars far too numerous for me to count. I see His glory in the vastness and depth of the ocean and the power that pushes the mass of the water’s waves mile after mile. I see it in my kids as they laugh. The human body with all its complex systems working together…I am awed and left breathless as a quickening in my heart revels in His beauty. He is absolutely majestic! And it has nothing to do with me.

  “I Can Only Imagine” one of the most beautiful songs written by MercyMe, ponders our reaction upon seeing Christ face to face. The chorus resonates with my own questions:

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I love this song! And in light of seeing Christ so vividly these past weeks here on Earth, I cannot help but to ask the same questions the song poses… seeing Him, knowing Him, loving Him, how on Earth could I carry on as if I did not see Him to begin with? It is my absolute hope and desire to magnify Him at all costs; at all costs in everything I say and do.

The splendor of our King is evident all around us. We are in His very presence. I am guilty of losing sight of that. I am guilty about letting my role in our relationship dictate my actions, rather than reveling in Christ’s role. All I want is Him. He is enough, more than enough for me.

One of my greatest hopes in life is that people will see, feel, and hear something different in my life that can only be explained by the presence of Christ dwelling within my heart. I want whatever they know about me to point them to Christ. I want them to see that He is the object of my love and I am wholly devoted to Him.