Reckless Rhythm

Moments in my life are remembered by what music was playing in the background at a specific time or event. For example, every time I hear Dave Matthews’ music it takes me back to my California days, speeding down I-80 in my topless jeep, warm wind blowing in my hair and singing along side my girls at the top of our lungs! We got more smiles and thumbs-ups than you would believe! Michael W. Smith's song, Friends are Friends Forever reminds me of my childhood summers at Camp Big Horn in Montana with my family. The Mommas and the Papas take me back to early mornings while getting ready for high school so many years ago. (Yes, this music was considered old even when I was 17) I have countless memories just like these. And recently a few more precious, life-giving memories have been added to this genre of memory.

Three weeks ago, when school began, so did the jazz…not the music per say. This is just a nice way to say my struggles at work felt like complete and utter chaos, unpredictable, random, difficult to understand, and seemingly without end. (Do you get the sense I don’t like jazz?!) I felt unsettled, a bit tense, and overwhelmed…even these words seem a tad understated for the emotional stress involved. Every year is different in my field but this year is one I will grow from more than the past four years combined. But I have a light within this dungeonous year. It comes in the form of a little boy named Jo-Jo.

One week into the school year, Jo-Jo, who talks to very few people, called me over to his desk. I kneeled down, looked into his eyes and ask how I could help. He took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and sang for me in perfect pitch the entire song Here With Me by MercyMe (I’ve included the lyrics to the whole song below). I sat awe struck at his musical giftedness and was thrilled by his choice of song, a Christian song sung as a worshipful prayer to the Lord. But when he reached the chorus:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender

I about lost it. I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from sobbing, however it didn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. In that moment I realized my struggles at work seemed so small. I had lost track of my heart in the midst of all the reckless rhythms within those walls. My focus was limited and selfish. I temporarily forgot that my job is not just educating my kids, I have an opportunity to impact them, help them to connect with who they are and learn to work within their disabilities. In the time span of a minuet or so, Jo-Jo, an autistic 6 year old, reminded me who I am. I am a child of God, who truly does get caught up in His love. While still on my knees in the middle of a public school classroom, I silently surrendered my sinful thoughts and negative words spoken about my job to the Lord.

The next day, my little friend came to school, called me over to his desk, and sang to me Bethany Dillon’s song Beautiful. (Lyrics below) Each day since he sings a new song for me. I haven’t heard of all of them but each one carries a message of hope and points me back to the Lord. The Lord has chosen to use this little boy and his musical giftedness to show me His love, which gently sweeps over me, saturating me in complete wonder, bewilderment, peace, and deep worship. How blessed I am to work with one of His most loved children: Jo-Jo!

Here With Me

MercyMe

I long for your embrace

Every single day

To meet you in this place

And see you face to face

Will you show me?

Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment

I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go

I am not alone

You call me as your own

To know you and be known

You are holy

And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

Beautiful

Bethany Dillon

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause Icannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life
[Chorus]

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart, and be amazed

I want to hear you say Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Bootstraps No More!

It’s a fact: The weaker we are the more we must lean on God, and the harder we lean on Him, the stronger we discover Him to be. But I wonder how often we forgo our own bootstraps and grasp the hand He extends us each day.

Someone once told me that there are opportunities within our obstacles. She must have told me this while I was in the midst of great heartache because I didn’t believe it then. I certainly could not see the beauty for all the ashes. Like you, I have been beaten down by the world, suffered terrible loss, heartache, and been wounded repeatedly. I have dealt with brokenness more times than I care to count and in a variety of ways over the years. And not necessarily in all positive ways either! Perhaps, it is a sad reality for us strong-willed, slow-learners the need to discover that our way really isn’t the best way before acknowledging our utmost need for the Lord! What I have learned, what has shaped my life like nothing else is the fact that where there is brokenness there can and will be wholeness.

Is. 61 tells us that the Lord came to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives. The definition for the word "bind" brings such a smile to my face and offers so much hope that I can’t help but to feel a bit giddy as I share it’s meaning with you. Bind: “This word is used primarily to describe a binding or a wrapping of one object to another. The word is often used to describe binding wounds (both physical and spiritual) with the result that healing occurs”. Humanly we look for an out, we look for healing. But perhaps we have missed the most important gift in the fact that He is binding Himself to us ever so tightly in moments of our brokenness. We are not escaping His attention!

I wonder what would happen if we lived out of our weakness rather than in spite of it? What would we learn about our Father that we might not learn otherwise?

If we’re going to suffer, we might as well do it well. We might as well attempt to grow in Jesus and witness to others who may be watching us. It’s a difficult thing to trust, when we’ve been hurt. It takes practice. We need to trust that His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11, paraphrased). Many of us may know this verse by heart but cannot bring ourselves to burry it deep within our hearts and know it as truth. I love the verses that follow. “…You will call on me and I will listen. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and bring you back from captivity”.

Beloved, God’s promises are not invalid when we encounter trials of brokenness. In fact, it is through these times that His promises take on their greatest significance. Trust. Let go of those bootstraps, stop trying to do it on your own strength. You are the object of His delight. He wants nothing more than you to cling to Him.

Glimmers of Glory

The flight from Portland to San Francisco, felt as if it had been a prearranged meeting with the Lord. It was as though I was given a personal invitation to witness not just through sight but through heart and soul a precious portion of the Lord’s vary nature. I sat near the window and didn’t dare look away for fear of missing an ounce of the radiance in which the sky beheld that morning. The sky as I have never seen it before brought tears to my eyes, a lump to my throat and a deep peace within my heart. My mind imagined wrapping my arms around such glory, snuggling in, allowing myself to be loved so fully and loving the Lord back to the full extent of this human heart. Witnessing His provision though the bountiful fields to the softness of the silvery clouds and everything in between, my heart, without a doubt, had been touched by a glimmer of God’s glory. Only He can do to my heart what no one else can!

I’ve been home from this trip (a trip to celebrate 15 years of marriage!) for a few weeks now and constantly evaluate the sky, looking for that same radiance…hoping if I see it again it will be etched into my mind and I won’t ever forget the experience of those minuets spent with the Lord. I haven’t seen it the way I did before. It could be because I am not 41,000 feet in the air or it could be because it was a one-time deal. I believe the Lord gives us glimmers of His glory all the time. Perhaps instead of showing us the same part of Him time after time, He shows us lots of “little” breath taking portions in a variety of ways to help us better understand His character. Maybe we need to ask ourselves: Do we see Him in our everyday? He’s there whether or not we see and feel Him.

My day to day is spent inside the walls of an elementary school working with autistic children. I love the challenge of showing these children love and acceptance for who they are in a way in which they understand (in addition to basic academic goals and social skills). It is different for each child. It maybe different each day for the same child. Some days I see the sparkle in their eye and I realize they get it! They understand! These are the days I live for. These are the days that I drive home in tears of joy and share with anyone willing to listen!

I wonder if God works much the same way. I wonder if He uses scenery to teach us about His vastness, words or phrases that make us think deeply, people to resemble something we haven’t yet seen of Him, music with lyrics that stick not just to our minds but to our hearts as well. I wonder if he sits back and smiles a simple smile as his eyes fill with tears and love beats rapidly within His heart when He sees that sparkle in our eye, when we’ve been taken with His love, captured by it and awed. A glimmer taken captive by our hearts!

Don’t you anticipate what He’s going to reveal to you next? My heart just can’t wait to meet Him again tomorrow as He shows me something else about Who He is to me!