Reckless Rhythm

Moments in my life are remembered by what music was playing in the background at a specific time or event. For example, every time I hear Dave Matthews’ music it takes me back to my California days, speeding down I-80 in my topless jeep, warm wind blowing in my hair and singing along side my girls at the top of our lungs! We got more smiles and thumbs-ups than you would believe! Michael W. Smith's song, Friends are Friends Forever reminds me of my childhood summers at Camp Big Horn in Montana with my family. The Mommas and the Papas take me back to early mornings while getting ready for high school so many years ago. (Yes, this music was considered old even when I was 17) I have countless memories just like these. And recently a few more precious, life-giving memories have been added to this genre of memory.

Three weeks ago, when school began, so did the jazz…not the music per say. This is just a nice way to say my struggles at work felt like complete and utter chaos, unpredictable, random, difficult to understand, and seemingly without end. (Do you get the sense I don’t like jazz?!) I felt unsettled, a bit tense, and overwhelmed…even these words seem a tad understated for the emotional stress involved. Every year is different in my field but this year is one I will grow from more than the past four years combined. But I have a light within this dungeonous year. It comes in the form of a little boy named Jo-Jo.

One week into the school year, Jo-Jo, who talks to very few people, called me over to his desk. I kneeled down, looked into his eyes and ask how I could help. He took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and sang for me in perfect pitch the entire song Here With Me by MercyMe (I’ve included the lyrics to the whole song below). I sat awe struck at his musical giftedness and was thrilled by his choice of song, a Christian song sung as a worshipful prayer to the Lord. But when he reached the chorus:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender

I about lost it. I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from sobbing, however it didn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. In that moment I realized my struggles at work seemed so small. I had lost track of my heart in the midst of all the reckless rhythms within those walls. My focus was limited and selfish. I temporarily forgot that my job is not just educating my kids, I have an opportunity to impact them, help them to connect with who they are and learn to work within their disabilities. In the time span of a minuet or so, Jo-Jo, an autistic 6 year old, reminded me who I am. I am a child of God, who truly does get caught up in His love. While still on my knees in the middle of a public school classroom, I silently surrendered my sinful thoughts and negative words spoken about my job to the Lord.

The next day, my little friend came to school, called me over to his desk, and sang to me Bethany Dillon’s song Beautiful. (Lyrics below) Each day since he sings a new song for me. I haven’t heard of all of them but each one carries a message of hope and points me back to the Lord. The Lord has chosen to use this little boy and his musical giftedness to show me His love, which gently sweeps over me, saturating me in complete wonder, bewilderment, peace, and deep worship. How blessed I am to work with one of His most loved children: Jo-Jo!

Here With Me

MercyMe

I long for your embrace

Every single day

To meet you in this place

And see you face to face

Will you show me?

Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment

I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go

I am not alone

You call me as your own

To know you and be known

You are holy

And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

Beautiful

Bethany Dillon

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause Icannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life
[Chorus]

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart, and be amazed

I want to hear you say Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful