Three Cords: Faith, Love & Forgiveness

My deepest need is to be loved. It’s a desperate need, a longing that at times in my life has seemed unattainable. Perhaps the word unattainable is a key into the reason my heart literally feels like its breaking when I hear anyone speaking about the subject. I crave it to the depths of my soul and at the same time feel unworthy to accept such a gift. I may be a bit of an extreme case, but I believe we all need to be loved. Beth Moore, a favorite writer of mine, says “We each have our unmet needs, and we carry them around all day long like an empty cup. In one way or another, we hold out that cup to the people in our lives and say, ‘Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help!’” We feel miserable until something is in that cup.

Love is a gift but I’ve made it a reward. If I do “A” then I will hear that desired clank of love being dropped into my cup. Interestingly, I don’t expect those in my life to do things for me to earn my love. I love them simply because… I just do. The conditions I put on myself stem from the lack of ability to forgive myself. In a very real sense I am punishing myself for a devastating decision I made more than 15 years ago. Although those I hold most dear have forgiven me, I have not been able grant myself that same freedom. I don’t feel worthy of receiving love, the vary thing I need more than anything else in all the world. Unforgiveness has got to be one of Satan’s most powerful forms of bondage. Don’t misunderstand, I’ve asked for the Lord’s forgiveness and I know with certainty that He has forgiven me. But if I understand the word forgiveness correctly it is the willingness to no longer let that offense occupy us. It is the letting it go to God—from our power to His. Forgiveness is an on going act. Several weeks back, I wrote, pondering the question, what would happen if we lived out of our weakness instead of in spite of it? I wonder the same question tonight. Can I forgive myself, stop trying to earn love, and once I have love in my life truly accept it? For this Dutch girl, being self-sufficient and meeting my own needs has been something I’ve prided myself on. To turn it over would feel weak.

Perhaps the issue boils down to trusting God with my heart. Do I trust Him to come through for me? Can I be content in His timing and the way He may go about it? Can I bank on Psalm 37:5 “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him and He will do it”? And do I whole-heartedly believe that His “unfailing love for me will not be shaken and his covenant of peace will never be removed from me, the one whom He has compassion on? (Is 54:10 paraphrased) The phrase unfailing love is mentioned 32 times in the Bible. Each refering to God alone. Humanly, we will fail one another and we will not meet each other’s needs completely and consistently. We weren’t meant to. If we had all our needs met here on earth we would not need Jesus.

I hear the clanking of His love being dropped by the handfuls into my cup of unmet needs every single day. Today I will not refuse them when He uses someone else’s hand to show me His love. I will accept it and be grateful for the gift and not try to repay it. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:7) God’s Love is never without effect!