On an oh-so narrow line between humbleness and pride is where I find myself standing far too often, and every now and then I look down to see that a toe or two has made it’s self comfortable on one side of that line. Pride. (Deep sigh) Last week I wrote, exposing a part of myself that I have hidden a good many of years, even from those who know me best. I’ve believed my inability to accept love in its various forms to be an outward sign of humbleness. I have sacrificed the very thing I need and desire. It seems a bit martyrdom for this chick and yet it’s what I’ve been doing all my life, living in pride masked as humbleness. I didn’t see this until recently…and boy do I feel convicted! I don’t want to need, hence, my pride issue, but honestly, I do. We all do!
We need to be loved, accepted, valued, trusted, and appreciated. We need joy, laughter, and friendships. We need compassion and forgiveness…
“We can’t provide something for others until we’ve received it ourselves.” (John Townsend)
This quote got me thinking… How can we give something we don’t have? The opposite is true as well. How can someone give us what he or she doesn’t have? I automatically am able to give a person much grace when I know they are not capable of giving me what I need. I realize also I don’t want a synthetic love. I want the real thing. If a person isn’t drawing from the true source of love, I am not interested in what they may be offering. That kind of love is fleeting.
In order to love well, we need to be “rooted and grounded in love.” (Eph. 3:17) How do we do that? The Christian answer (which you may have anticipated and cringe because you know I’m heading there) and yet the only truthful answer: We spend time getting to know the One whose very nature is love and allowing our hearts and souls to be lavished with His love (this happens in countless ways, often unique to us). His love is not our love, its better it’s …Agape Love. Defined it means: “It is not a feeling or a relationship based on common interest (like that of friendship love). It flows from what is right and what is best. It is not as much a feeling as it is a response. Agape love is not fueled out of the desire of the recipient, but out of the need.” This love is unfailing, without reservation, unconditional. Exactly the kind we need and desire!
He knows my needs. He knew them long before I was born. In His anticipation of my needs, He sent His only Son to fulfill them (and yours), ultimately, fulfilling my utmost need for a Savior…through which my needs to be loved and accepted are continually being filled as well as my need for joy and laughter (yes, He meets these needs too. He’s not as tight lipped as some people think! Thanks goodness!) I know Him and I have come to rely on His love for me. I am completely convinced of His reality in my life.
Accepting love doesn’t feel humble, but it is. At its core, it really is. We need it. It is not something we can do for ourselves. I read somewhere that “God’s love will not change us, if we don’t accept it”. How I long to reflect His image, to love as He loves. I pray that He continues to convict me of my pride that has masked itself as humbleness. I pray that my toes will stay on the path that continually leads to Him!
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