Ordinary Miracle

Anyone who knows me even a tiny bit, knows my intense love and appreciation for the gift of nature. This Christmas my husband gave me my most favorite gift, perhaps of all time, the lyrics to Sarah McLachlan's (a favorite artist of mine), Ordinary Miracle song. The lyrics are posted below, but if you have time time listen to the song, click on the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urv7tyeJ7qE

Ordinary Miracle
It’s not that unusual
When everything is beautiful.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky knows when its time to snow,

Don’t need to teach a seed to grow.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Life is like a gift they say

Wrapped up for you everyday;

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own.

Isn’t it remarkable?

Like every time a rain drop falls,

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds in winter have their fling

But always make it home by spring.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

When you wake up everyday

Please don’t throw your dreams away;

Hold them close to your heart

Cause we’re all a part

Of the ordinary miracle.

Ordinary miracle

Do you want to see a miracle?

ohh ohh ohh, ohhh ohh ohh...

It seems so exceptional

That things just work out after all.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Sun comes up and shines so bright

And disappears again at night.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

ohh ohh ohh, ohh ohhh ohh...

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Is Truth Subjective?

My family, extended as well as immediate, is complied of a variety of religious beliefs as well as varying degrees within the same belief. We’ve got the Catholics, the Baptists, the Methodists, and the “holy-Rollers”. Then we have Agnostics, who believe there is no God and New Agers, who see God in everything and everyone. And recently the Mormon religion has had an influence on part of my family. There are so many beliefs within one family that anyone looking our way, trying to make heads or tails of what is truth would be gravely disappointed. Over the years I have heard people refer to the way they live and believe morally as “their truth”. Their truth, my truth…Isn’t truth just truth? Is it really something, like beauty; that is held within the eye of the beholder?

If you don’t believe the Bible is infallible, what or whom do you base your beliefs? Is there any one constant, other than God, to which truth can be based? How have you proven God to be non-existent? How have other’s influenced “your truths”?

As children, we take our parent’s word as truth. Their beliefs become our beliefs. I followed my parent’s model into Christianity from early on, but as I grew I needed to dissect those beliefs. I needed to go back to the basics, stripping away other’s influences, other’s interpretations and ask myself if I really believe what I read. Honestly, some things I read seemed extremely far-fetched. Some things scared me to death and others made my heart race with anticipation to know the God I was reading about. In the end, I had to ask myself, do I believe this book to be true? And by faith, (this is huge!!!) as a grown woman outside my parent’s influence and outside the church's influence, I embraced God as truth. I know you’re asking, “her truth?” At the risk of coming across legalistic, No, truth period.

Every person comes to their own conclusion for what they choose to believe, choose to worship, choose to have faith in and dedicate their lives to. Not everyone will choose the same route. But truth is truth. Half truths are all over the place. They tell you what you want to hear. They’re glamorous and exciting.

We’ve all told a story, given an account of something, but left out parts to make it sound more interesting or in hopes to be accepted. We leave out parts that are not so popular, or parts that may paint us in a negative light. Deep down we know we’re not telling the whole story. In a very real sense we have not told the truth. Truth is truth. It is the whole story: the parts that seem far-fetched, the parts that scare us as well as the beautiful parts. God wanted us to have the whole truth, that’s why the Bible is a mixture of the good, the bad and the ugly.

Accept it, don’t accept it: your choice. But don’t tell me there isn’t one truth. That’s like saying a white lie isn’t really a lie. Buck up, do the work. Dissect the Bible, ponder for yourself.

Sleepless Near Seattle

Usually I hate those nights when I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I close my eyes and try the counting sheep thing, to no avail. I open my eyes to see that an hour has gone by and I am just as wide-eyed as I was before. Last week I had one of these nights. Actually it was morning, it was 4am. I decided to get up, sit in “my chair” that faces my large picture window that I talk frequently of, that looks out over my gardens. Although the leaves are long gone and the trees are bare, the flowers with all the color gone, I am still as drawn to this place as ever. There’s a stillness here that resides year round, a peace that I can’t seem to find anywhere else, even in other parts of my own home. The beauty is still remarkable and I am once again awestruck by God’s tender, yet majestic creation.

4am the sky is darker than I have ever seen it. The stars so intensely bright they seem closer than I recall. So close, in fact, they seem touchable. I lean back in my chair, pull my blanket up to my chin trying to keep warm this freezing night in mid December and let my mind drift. It drifts where it never has before, to the night of the three wisemen following the bright star that led them to our newborn Savior, Jesus.

I have read and heard the “Christmas Story” countless times in my life but never once have I wondered what the trek to that stable in Bethlehem was like for them. I have focused so much on the outcome of the story, picturing baby Jesus in a smelly old stable and Mary and Joseph cradling their beautiful son. I've wondered what they talked about that night. I've wondered what fears, hopes and dreams they had for Him, knowing that He was their son and at the same time their Savior. I can’t really begin to imagine, except to say I would have been a blubbering mother…so honored, so proud, yet so fearful for what would come a short 33 years later: His death and resurrection. But this night, I thought about the wisemen, specifically about the star they followed.

Matthew 2:2 refers to the star the three wisemen followed as “His star”. How was it set apart from the other stars in the sky? Was it brighter, bigger… Did any other shepherds watching over their flocks see it too? If so, I wonder why they didn’t follow it too and if they did, why aren’t they mentioned in the story? Did they think they were disillusioned due to lack of sleep? These questions forced me to be more alert than I would have hoped at 4am.

I pulled out my Bible rereading the account of that very night in both Mathew and Luke. I was unsatisfied with the information left. I wanted to know more. I’m a detailed girl, you know. A few words from those passages have lingered in my mind since that sleepless night. Words like: “sign” and “His star”. Digging deeper that night, to understand their importance brought such a quickening to my heart which, in turn, caused me to spend the remaining hour of that evening, praising the Lord! (What a way to begin the day!)

The Greek meaning for the word “sign” means “the finger marks of God, valuable not so much for what they are as for what they indicate of the grace and peace of the Doer.” Oh that the Lord would tenderly, eloquently, mercifully reveal his fingerprints to us in such remarkable ways. The story of the wisemen following the star to the birthplace of our Savior is incredible in itself and certainly isn’t just a story to be read and pondered during the Christmas season. It also points out that sometimes in the contrast of the night, we can best see the glory of God. The difference from feeling as if you can reach out to touch the stars, partaking in such glory on a crystal clear night is the fact that you actually can. Allow yourself to be consumed by the glory of God, by the invisible hand that placed the stars in the sky. It’s easy to be consumed by the “sign” itself…that’s where we make the mistake. Inhale His glory deeply, let it wash over you and enjoy the gift you have been given.

First Corinthians 13: Christmas Version

Christmas is my most favorite times of the year. I truly get caught up in the wonder of it all. The lights that hang on most houses and store fronts, Peppermint mochas, the smell of cookies in my oven, decorating the tree, the tradition of our family dinner and walking "Snow Flake Lane", the snow, the shopping... What's not to love?

Several years ago I came across this Christmas rendition of 1 Corinthian's popular "love chapter". I keep it tucked away with my Christmas decorations, so that I am sure to see it and hopefully heed it's reminder each year; as I, like most of us, tend to easily be swept up in the things of Christmas not in the Who of Christmas.

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows,

strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls,

but do not show love to my family,

I am just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen,

baking dozens of Christmas cookies,

preparing gourmet meals,

and arranging a beautiful adorned table at mealtime,

but do not show love to my family,

I am just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen,

carol in the nursing home,

and give all that I have to charity,

but do not show love to my family,

it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels

and crochet snowflakes,

attend a myriad of holiday parties

and sing in the choir's cantata,

but do not focus on Christ,

I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break,

pearl necklaces will be lost,

golf clubs will rust...

But giving the gift of love will endure.

You can give without loving

but you cannot love without giving.

Merry Christmas!

A Different Kind of PDF

A few years ago a friend of mine was telling me about an experiment she regularly orchestrates while speaking at Christian retreats. I doubt I’ll ever forget her findings, as I find an odd comfort in the realization that I am not struggling solo in corporate worship.

The Experiment: The first evening, of a two night retreat, as the women worship, praising, giving thanks, lifting up prayers through song, she quietly, inconspicuously observes them from the back of the room. She tells me it looks much like what you see on Sunday mornings. Some women stand, raise their hands and sing loudly. Others clasp their hands in front of them while singing. Others close their eyes, some bow their heads…you get the idea. When she takes the stand to begin the evening’s teaching, she mentions nothing of what she’s witness.

The second evening, she asked each woman to wear a blind fold during the time of worship. The women do. What she observed was drastically different from the night before. While a few women appear to wrestle with this idea, most appeared to embrace a freedom that in my friend’s opinion was stifled the night before by their consciousness of other’s roving eyes. Some fall to their knees, bowing low to the floor in reverence for our Lord. Some of the women that stood, hands clasped the night before were raising their hands, heads lifted up and singing boldly. Some sat with open hands on their laps, taking in the beautiful, serene voices of the women that surrounded them.

According to my friend, the difference between the two evenings was the level of authenticity. Because the women felt safe on the second night, there was a freedom to worship genuinely, in their own style. Of course, this is not to say that the women the first night were not genuine in their worship. It is to point out that many women struggle worshiping when there is a chance of being watched and perhaps judged.

Public Display of Faith. (PDF) My witty husband coined this phrase last week as I once again shared my struggle with worship. I worship completely different when I am in my home or alone than I do when I am in church. In church I feel restricted. I feel restricted because I care entirely too much what others think. Therefore, I worship quite conservatively. I know this stems from past experiences. And although I wrestle with this inconsistency, this genuineness, this being true to who I am as a Christian woman, I am unable to overcome this spiritual binding.

I grew up in a conservative Baptist church. Clapping was taboo. Dancing would have you gotten you stoned to death. (OK the later isn’t quite true, but almost!) I remember once when I was in high school, my youth group friends and I started clapping to a song that we, the congregation, was singing. No one else clapped. We tried to appear confident in our choice of worship, but as all eyes (no exaggeration) peered intensely at us, my insides withered significantly.

I’ve also witnesses people who worship boldly in church but in their day to day lives rival some of the most hateful people I’ve ever come across. Granted, who am I to judge their worship but the inconsistency grieves my heart so much that I am scared that I would come across much the same way as those who I’ve condemned in my heart. So I wrestle.

I openly wrestle in front of my daughters. I wonder if I am living up to my role as their mother. I know my responsibility is to raise them to know the Lord that I love so dearly and yet I wonder if my wrestlings will cause them to feel restricted in some way. I pray that the Lord will continue to grow my heart and help me to be true to Him no matter where I am worshipping. I pray for my daughters...that they would be unabashed in their worship, that my wrestlings would not hinder them.

Orange You Glad I love You?

In my opinion, there is no greater sound than laughter. There is no better picture than one of my family. There is no place I’d rather be than with my girls in our backyard. No place closer to my heart than where Den’s love has resided for more than 17 years. My heart begs, literally begs for this kind of love. It is what I live for. It’s what I think, pray and talk about most. I can’t imagine a single day without giving and accepting such love, such a gift. Love with all of it’s goodness (for lack of a better word) however, also involves being vulnerable. Vulnerability and guarding are polar opposites and yet God, whose vary nature is love, gives the command to guard our hearts: “Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23. Hummm. Yep, I didn’t quite get it either.

I wonder if you, like me, have interpreted Proverbs 4:23, as a command to keep your distance from possible hurt and rejection, in hopes that your heart will remain intact and healthy. It sounds a bit like a caution of sorts, don’t you think? “Watch out! Life sucks and you will get hurt. Your heart is good, so be careful who and what you share it with.” This has been my interpretation for years and just about anyone who has experienced an ounce of pain would readily agree.

There’s a problem with this interpretation however. Protecting our heart so much that joy can’t seep through is miserable. It’s lonely. It’s not at all what God intended for us. C.S. Lewis referred to this life style of protection as being locked up in a casket of selfishness. Yes, it’s safe to the risk of pain, but not to damnation. “The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.” A fierce; yet truthful pill to swallow, isn’t it?

“Guard your heart”, a pestering phrase these past weeks. So much so that out of annoyance I decided to dig a bit deeper into the meaning of the phrase. Guarding our heart means “to observe, to preserve, to maintain things entrusted to us, especially keeping the truths of God in both actions and in mind”. We need, yes, need to protect the truths hidden in our hearts from hurtful, destructive forces. (i.e. Satan) Guard and nurture the good, the love, the wisdom that’s already in your heart, repel evil. Simple sounding enough and yet the importance of its warning is of high priority for our own good.

We love because He first loved us! What an amazing gift. Protect it, nurture it and share it. It’s what Proverbs 4:23 is all about!

Where Pride Looms, Love Abounds

On an oh-so narrow line between humbleness and pride is where I find myself standing far too often, and every now and then I look down to see that a toe or two has made it’s self comfortable on one side of that line. Pride. (Deep sigh) Last week I wrote, exposing a part of myself that I have hidden a good many of years, even from those who know me best. I’ve believed my inability to accept love in its various forms to be an outward sign of humbleness. I have sacrificed the very thing I need and desire. It seems a bit martyrdom for this chick and yet it’s what I’ve been doing all my life, living in pride masked as humbleness. I didn’t see this until recently…and boy do I feel convicted! I don’t want to need, hence, my pride issue, but honestly, I do. We all do!

We need to be loved, accepted, valued, trusted, and appreciated. We need joy, laughter, and friendships. We need compassion and forgiveness…

“We can’t provide something for others until we’ve received it ourselves.” (John Townsend)

This quote got me thinking… How can we give something we don’t have? The opposite is true as well. How can someone give us what he or she doesn’t have? I automatically am able to give a person much grace when I know they are not capable of giving me what I need. I realize also I don’t want a synthetic love. I want the real thing. If a person isn’t drawing from the true source of love, I am not interested in what they may be offering. That kind of love is fleeting.

In order to love well, we need to be “rooted and grounded in love.” (Eph. 3:17) How do we do that? The Christian answer (which you may have anticipated and cringe because you know I’m heading there) and yet the only truthful answer: We spend time getting to know the One whose very nature is love and allowing our hearts and souls to be lavished with His love (this happens in countless ways, often unique to us). His love is not our love, its better it’s …Agape Love. Defined it means: “It is not a feeling or a relationship based on common interest (like that of friendship love). It flows from what is right and what is best. It is not as much a feeling as it is a response. Agape love is not fueled out of the desire of the recipient, but out of the need.” This love is unfailing, without reservation, unconditional. Exactly the kind we need and desire!

He knows my needs. He knew them long before I was born. In His anticipation of my needs, He sent His only Son to fulfill them (and yours), ultimately, fulfilling my utmost need for a Savior…through which my needs to be loved and accepted are continually being filled as well as my need for joy and laughter (yes, He meets these needs too. He’s not as tight lipped as some people think! Thanks goodness!) I know Him and I have come to rely on His love for me. I am completely convinced of His reality in my life.

Accepting love doesn’t feel humble, but it is. At its core, it really is. We need it. It is not something we can do for ourselves. I read somewhere that “God’s love will not change us, if we don’t accept it”. How I long to reflect His image, to love as He loves. I pray that He continues to convict me of my pride that has masked itself as humbleness. I pray that my toes will stay on the path that continually leads to Him!

Three Cords: Faith, Love & Forgiveness

My deepest need is to be loved. It’s a desperate need, a longing that at times in my life has seemed unattainable. Perhaps the word unattainable is a key into the reason my heart literally feels like its breaking when I hear anyone speaking about the subject. I crave it to the depths of my soul and at the same time feel unworthy to accept such a gift. I may be a bit of an extreme case, but I believe we all need to be loved. Beth Moore, a favorite writer of mine, says “We each have our unmet needs, and we carry them around all day long like an empty cup. In one way or another, we hold out that cup to the people in our lives and say, ‘Can somebody please fill this? Even a tablespoon would help!’” We feel miserable until something is in that cup.

Love is a gift but I’ve made it a reward. If I do “A” then I will hear that desired clank of love being dropped into my cup. Interestingly, I don’t expect those in my life to do things for me to earn my love. I love them simply because… I just do. The conditions I put on myself stem from the lack of ability to forgive myself. In a very real sense I am punishing myself for a devastating decision I made more than 15 years ago. Although those I hold most dear have forgiven me, I have not been able grant myself that same freedom. I don’t feel worthy of receiving love, the vary thing I need more than anything else in all the world. Unforgiveness has got to be one of Satan’s most powerful forms of bondage. Don’t misunderstand, I’ve asked for the Lord’s forgiveness and I know with certainty that He has forgiven me. But if I understand the word forgiveness correctly it is the willingness to no longer let that offense occupy us. It is the letting it go to God—from our power to His. Forgiveness is an on going act. Several weeks back, I wrote, pondering the question, what would happen if we lived out of our weakness instead of in spite of it? I wonder the same question tonight. Can I forgive myself, stop trying to earn love, and once I have love in my life truly accept it? For this Dutch girl, being self-sufficient and meeting my own needs has been something I’ve prided myself on. To turn it over would feel weak.

Perhaps the issue boils down to trusting God with my heart. Do I trust Him to come through for me? Can I be content in His timing and the way He may go about it? Can I bank on Psalm 37:5 “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him and He will do it”? And do I whole-heartedly believe that His “unfailing love for me will not be shaken and his covenant of peace will never be removed from me, the one whom He has compassion on? (Is 54:10 paraphrased) The phrase unfailing love is mentioned 32 times in the Bible. Each refering to God alone. Humanly, we will fail one another and we will not meet each other’s needs completely and consistently. We weren’t meant to. If we had all our needs met here on earth we would not need Jesus.

I hear the clanking of His love being dropped by the handfuls into my cup of unmet needs every single day. Today I will not refuse them when He uses someone else’s hand to show me His love. I will accept it and be grateful for the gift and not try to repay it. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:7) God’s Love is never without effect!

One Word!

I was offered a job this week at another school. Better hours, 50% more money, working in the same field but focused in the area I love most. And to top it off, I wasn’t even looking for another job. I was referred by a respected colleague, which stroked my ego a hair beyond what could be considered healthy. I was ecstatic and full of pride for about 30 seconds. That’s about how long it took me to rattle off in a single breath all the details to my husband. The job was perfect in every way. It also was my “out” of a very challenging situation where I currently work. Then my Beloved, who posses more wisdom than I asked IT. “Have you prayed about it yet?” Uuuughhhh! Deep sigh, “no, I wanted to tell you first.” In an instant, my heart took a long, hard plunge. I was grieved by my sin of putting others before God and seeking out man’s approval over His. I struggle with this more times than I care to admit.

I was headed out the door to a parents meeting and found myself thrilled for the silent drive back to school. I love this drive along a winding, tree-lined road. I find I am consistently pulled into God’s arms on this drive. This night was no exception. I began to pray about the job situation but before I finished, I heard Him say one word. (Not audibly, although wouldn’t that be a treat!) The word was “Ministry”. I didn’t have to ask to whom I was supposed to be ministering. I knew. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I told Him He was right. I knew it from the beginning. I had just got caught up in my pride and in earthly things.

Some of the parents of my students had already arrived for our meeting when I walked in the door. Unknowingly, my mascara had left evidence of tears shed and caused one Mom to question me. All I could say was, “I love these kids”. They are my mission field. The next day, this same woman sent in a note with her son that said, “You are such a blessing to our family, you have no idea. We pray for you and your family every night that He will provide your every need.” I hadn’t shared about the job and have been careful in the public school setting to witness more through my actions than my words. The Lord used this woman to minister to me and in case I didn’t get His message clearly the night before, He used her to confirm that I am to stay right where I am.

I truly cherish that He adores me so, cares for my every need, and talks to me. How I long to be more like Him and reflect back to Him the love He graces me with every single day!

Divine Affection

There is something quite remarkable about the changing of seasons. As I sat snugly wrapped in my blanket, coffee in hand (always coffee in hand), starring out my large picture window, I was awed by the sheer majesty the Lord allowed me to witness of Himself again this afternoon. An array of trees more than a hundred feet tall seem to bow in unison as gusts of wind repeatedly swept over them. The leaves, so simple in their shape, yet complex in their detail and coloring drifted towards my window at various speeds, hundreds at a time. The colors were brilliant against the slightest shade of grey sky. I sat for some moments watching the wind dance, when I faintly heard, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty”. I closed my eyes and listened closely. The majestic wind rushes through the trees once again and it sounds very much like they are applauding. I raise my hands and find I am the one singing, “holy is the Lord God Almighty”. Tears steam down my cheeks because I am fully aware I am in His presence. I feel it to the deepest part of my being. I feel cherished and honored that He chose to spend the afternoon sitting with me, speaking to me in a way I find nothing else compares. I know I am always in His presence, he is always speaking to me, and revealing more of who He is to me. Perhaps the difference between my feeling I am in His presence verses. the fact that I am always in His presence has more to do with my attitude and where my heart’s focus is flirting. Sometimes I desperately need to walk away from the deafening demands of my chaotic life, so that I can deeply inhale His. I chose that today and the “eyes of my heart were enlightened.” Eph. 1:18 paraphrased. Truly, there is nothing in all the world as beautiful or desirable as the love of Christ!

Reckless Rhythm

Moments in my life are remembered by what music was playing in the background at a specific time or event. For example, every time I hear Dave Matthews’ music it takes me back to my California days, speeding down I-80 in my topless jeep, warm wind blowing in my hair and singing along side my girls at the top of our lungs! We got more smiles and thumbs-ups than you would believe! Michael W. Smith's song, Friends are Friends Forever reminds me of my childhood summers at Camp Big Horn in Montana with my family. The Mommas and the Papas take me back to early mornings while getting ready for high school so many years ago. (Yes, this music was considered old even when I was 17) I have countless memories just like these. And recently a few more precious, life-giving memories have been added to this genre of memory.

Three weeks ago, when school began, so did the jazz…not the music per say. This is just a nice way to say my struggles at work felt like complete and utter chaos, unpredictable, random, difficult to understand, and seemingly without end. (Do you get the sense I don’t like jazz?!) I felt unsettled, a bit tense, and overwhelmed…even these words seem a tad understated for the emotional stress involved. Every year is different in my field but this year is one I will grow from more than the past four years combined. But I have a light within this dungeonous year. It comes in the form of a little boy named Jo-Jo.

One week into the school year, Jo-Jo, who talks to very few people, called me over to his desk. I kneeled down, looked into his eyes and ask how I could help. He took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and sang for me in perfect pitch the entire song Here With Me by MercyMe (I’ve included the lyrics to the whole song below). I sat awe struck at his musical giftedness and was thrilled by his choice of song, a Christian song sung as a worshipful prayer to the Lord. But when he reached the chorus:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender

I about lost it. I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from sobbing, however it didn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. In that moment I realized my struggles at work seemed so small. I had lost track of my heart in the midst of all the reckless rhythms within those walls. My focus was limited and selfish. I temporarily forgot that my job is not just educating my kids, I have an opportunity to impact them, help them to connect with who they are and learn to work within their disabilities. In the time span of a minuet or so, Jo-Jo, an autistic 6 year old, reminded me who I am. I am a child of God, who truly does get caught up in His love. While still on my knees in the middle of a public school classroom, I silently surrendered my sinful thoughts and negative words spoken about my job to the Lord.

The next day, my little friend came to school, called me over to his desk, and sang to me Bethany Dillon’s song Beautiful. (Lyrics below) Each day since he sings a new song for me. I haven’t heard of all of them but each one carries a message of hope and points me back to the Lord. The Lord has chosen to use this little boy and his musical giftedness to show me His love, which gently sweeps over me, saturating me in complete wonder, bewilderment, peace, and deep worship. How blessed I am to work with one of His most loved children: Jo-Jo!

Here With Me

MercyMe

I long for your embrace

Every single day

To meet you in this place

And see you face to face

Will you show me?

Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy I fall down on my knees

And I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment

I surrender to your love

You're everywhere I go

I am not alone

You call me as your own

To know you and be known

You are holy

And I fall down on my knees

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender:

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I'm lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

Beautiful

Bethany Dillon

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause Icannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life
[Chorus]

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart, and be amazed

I want to hear you say Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory
[Chorus]
You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Bootstraps No More!

It’s a fact: The weaker we are the more we must lean on God, and the harder we lean on Him, the stronger we discover Him to be. But I wonder how often we forgo our own bootstraps and grasp the hand He extends us each day.

Someone once told me that there are opportunities within our obstacles. She must have told me this while I was in the midst of great heartache because I didn’t believe it then. I certainly could not see the beauty for all the ashes. Like you, I have been beaten down by the world, suffered terrible loss, heartache, and been wounded repeatedly. I have dealt with brokenness more times than I care to count and in a variety of ways over the years. And not necessarily in all positive ways either! Perhaps, it is a sad reality for us strong-willed, slow-learners the need to discover that our way really isn’t the best way before acknowledging our utmost need for the Lord! What I have learned, what has shaped my life like nothing else is the fact that where there is brokenness there can and will be wholeness.

Is. 61 tells us that the Lord came to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives. The definition for the word "bind" brings such a smile to my face and offers so much hope that I can’t help but to feel a bit giddy as I share it’s meaning with you. Bind: “This word is used primarily to describe a binding or a wrapping of one object to another. The word is often used to describe binding wounds (both physical and spiritual) with the result that healing occurs”. Humanly we look for an out, we look for healing. But perhaps we have missed the most important gift in the fact that He is binding Himself to us ever so tightly in moments of our brokenness. We are not escaping His attention!

I wonder what would happen if we lived out of our weakness rather than in spite of it? What would we learn about our Father that we might not learn otherwise?

If we’re going to suffer, we might as well do it well. We might as well attempt to grow in Jesus and witness to others who may be watching us. It’s a difficult thing to trust, when we’ve been hurt. It takes practice. We need to trust that His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us. Plans to give us hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11, paraphrased). Many of us may know this verse by heart but cannot bring ourselves to burry it deep within our hearts and know it as truth. I love the verses that follow. “…You will call on me and I will listen. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and bring you back from captivity”.

Beloved, God’s promises are not invalid when we encounter trials of brokenness. In fact, it is through these times that His promises take on their greatest significance. Trust. Let go of those bootstraps, stop trying to do it on your own strength. You are the object of His delight. He wants nothing more than you to cling to Him.

Glimmers of Glory

The flight from Portland to San Francisco, felt as if it had been a prearranged meeting with the Lord. It was as though I was given a personal invitation to witness not just through sight but through heart and soul a precious portion of the Lord’s vary nature. I sat near the window and didn’t dare look away for fear of missing an ounce of the radiance in which the sky beheld that morning. The sky as I have never seen it before brought tears to my eyes, a lump to my throat and a deep peace within my heart. My mind imagined wrapping my arms around such glory, snuggling in, allowing myself to be loved so fully and loving the Lord back to the full extent of this human heart. Witnessing His provision though the bountiful fields to the softness of the silvery clouds and everything in between, my heart, without a doubt, had been touched by a glimmer of God’s glory. Only He can do to my heart what no one else can!

I’ve been home from this trip (a trip to celebrate 15 years of marriage!) for a few weeks now and constantly evaluate the sky, looking for that same radiance…hoping if I see it again it will be etched into my mind and I won’t ever forget the experience of those minuets spent with the Lord. I haven’t seen it the way I did before. It could be because I am not 41,000 feet in the air or it could be because it was a one-time deal. I believe the Lord gives us glimmers of His glory all the time. Perhaps instead of showing us the same part of Him time after time, He shows us lots of “little” breath taking portions in a variety of ways to help us better understand His character. Maybe we need to ask ourselves: Do we see Him in our everyday? He’s there whether or not we see and feel Him.

My day to day is spent inside the walls of an elementary school working with autistic children. I love the challenge of showing these children love and acceptance for who they are in a way in which they understand (in addition to basic academic goals and social skills). It is different for each child. It maybe different each day for the same child. Some days I see the sparkle in their eye and I realize they get it! They understand! These are the days I live for. These are the days that I drive home in tears of joy and share with anyone willing to listen!

I wonder if God works much the same way. I wonder if He uses scenery to teach us about His vastness, words or phrases that make us think deeply, people to resemble something we haven’t yet seen of Him, music with lyrics that stick not just to our minds but to our hearts as well. I wonder if he sits back and smiles a simple smile as his eyes fill with tears and love beats rapidly within His heart when He sees that sparkle in our eye, when we’ve been taken with His love, captured by it and awed. A glimmer taken captive by our hearts!

Don’t you anticipate what He’s going to reveal to you next? My heart just can’t wait to meet Him again tomorrow as He shows me something else about Who He is to me!

A Living Sacrifice?

This note was found in the pocket of a young pastor in Zimbabwe, Africa, following his martyrdom:

I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made--I'm a disciple of his. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my presence makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfted goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in his presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander in the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go until he comes, give until I drop, preach till all I know, and work till he stops me. And when he comes for his own, he will have no problem recognizing me...my banner will be clear!

The question I contemplate is do I love Christ this much? Would I lay my life down on His behalf? Am I living my life in such a way that my banner is clearly visible? Am I hiding or compromising any part of my life? If I'm honest, I've got a ways to go--a long way. But boy, do I relish in the thought that the Lord is not done with me yet. How exciting, honoring, and yet oh so humbling, to know He is ever so persistent in making me more like His precious Son. Oh, can there be anything more beautiful: to resemble the glory of God, to live fully and unapologetic for Him?

Battle Cry

Whether you realize it or not, we are in the midst of a great battle. Some call it spiritual warfare others chalk these battles up to a part of life. And a normal part of life is experiencing hardships. Absolutely. But I think for those of us who over look these hardships for what they truly are, a spiritual battle, Satan has us right where he wants us: ignorant. I believe I am in the midst of such a battle now. I could share all the details, but my personal struggle won’t do you any good. Instead what I believe will help is sharing what I’m learning through this time.

This season of great heartache and turmoil has made me take notice of scriptures that I haven’t held in my hands for quite some time. One that is especially dear to me is the conversation between the Lord and Simon (Peter) left for our benefit in Luke 22. To recap: The Lord tells Simon that Satan has asked permission to sift him as wheat and He has given him permission to do so. Then the Lord tells him that when he turns back to Him that he is to strengthen his brothers. Remember this one? A few thoughts come to mind as I have studied this passage:

Satan asked for permission.
That means that our trials are not without God’s knowing and beyond a certain point, not without His permission. He has not abandoned you or forgotten you. Is this fact hard to believe? Are you asking yourself why God would allow such an attack? Questions I’ve asked myself as well. I’ll address these thoughts in a second. For now, let me point out what else I find so valuable about this conversation between Simon Peter and the Lord.

God warns Simon that this is going to happen.
He has left for us 66 books filled with warnings. I believe many of us view them as Brennan Manning so perfect describes as, “just another trinket in the dusty pawn shop of doctrinal beliefs.” I love this quote because many Christians view much of what has been left for us as not relative to today and yet we say we value this “trinket”. Dust off that “trinket” and see it for the priceless heirloom left for you by our Father. It’s our Sword for fighting this battle for crying out loud!

Many of us don’t take these warnings seriously. We look at the Old Testament as the war zone…not today. Oh Beloved, I must point out that the whole backdrop of the Bible (old and new testaments) as well as present day is war! We are in the midst of a great battle, a very real battle.

So the question remains: Why does God allow Satan to sift us?

God uses Satan to bring Himself glory.
I’m certain Satan believes He will be the victor when he is given a time to run with our lives. However, God has something else in mind. He will be glorified and He’s going to use Satan to do it! (Isn’t that just rich?!). He will be the victor and bring you through this season of fire to refine you, to sift from you whatever it is that needs to be sifted. This makes me think of that verse in Genesis that says what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good. (Paraphrased)

We all might not need sifting. But we all need refining. We can count on entering the fire repeatedly throughout our lives. “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify.” Malachi 3:3 We will be tested. The hardness, bitterness, jealousy…every bit of imperfection will be skimmed from our hearts by the Master Refiner. He does this to redeems us, to purify us to Himself. He won’t stop, He won’t give up hope for you, until He can see His reflection. Be prepared, Beloved, that won’t happen this side of heaven.

In short, be prepared. He has warned us that we are fighting for our lives. How do we fight?
Arm ourselves with the Sword of the Spirit (Eph. 6:10-20): His Word. Know it from the inside out.
Allow God to refine us (Malachi 3:3). It will hurt. I know, because I am in the midst of this season as I sit here and write. Many nights all I can say is, “Lord, fight for me. Don’t let go of me.” He won’t let go of me, I am assured constantly but that doesn’t mean I won’t have to fight.
Surround ourselves with a great cloud of witnesses. (Hebrews 12:1) We certainly need each other. We need to overcome the spirit of isolation. (This is where I tend to end up. It’s sure easier than getting hurt again.) It’s not easy. We have to operate out of what we know as truth rather than what we feel. Satan knows this is how we tend to operate and uses it to his advantage to keep us isolated, untrusting, feeling unworthy… And I shouldn't have to say that going to church is a significant part of surrounding ourselves with a great cloud of witness but I know many Christians who don;t view this as important. To be completely honest, I struggle with organized religion. I’ve shared these feelings before. But I understand the importance and why God told us to do it. It helps me to look at it as calling in the troops, learning, studying God’s Word, and for lack of a better analogy: strategizing our game plan in this battle.

Beloved, fight. And fight with everything you've got.

What Not to Wear

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.”
Ps. 8:3-5

I ponder the same question: In comparison to the majesty of your creation, O Lord, what is it about me that captures your attention? Another thought: how can He say after each thing He created, “it is good.” But only after He made man said,” It is very good.” (Gen. 1:31) The two are undeniably related. And both make me wonder since Christ can’t be mistaken, what have I not understood about myself?

This morning was not unlike any other. I sat with coffee in hand, staring out my large picture window, which over looks countless trees, blooming plants, roses galore, set against a perfectly clear sky flittered with sunbeams and talked with God. Some of my most meaningful conversations happen in this spot. Today was one of them. As I sat with Him pondering these very thoughts, I asked Him, Who am I to be considered lovelier than such things, to have your love, your devotion, your acceptance? (My mind has been in a terrible place these past few days, feeling rather unworthy of all I have hope and faith).

I hear Him say, “Don’t you realize you bear the image of my Son? When I see you, I see Him?”

I’ve heard it before. I want to believe but in my skepticism, I say, “but Lord, you know the things I have done, said, and thought. There is no beauty here to attract you to me.”

He understands and reminds me that He too, while on the cross bore much shame and had no beauty, that His own Father turned His eyes from Him. (Is. 53)

He says, “I have given you a new heart, Beloved. Take it, own it. Stop wearing that robe of shame and put on the robe of righteousness I bought for you.”

I sit with this conversation, debating Him—the Author and Perfector of my life. (Sounds absurd to say it like that and yet, it is truth) I tell him I’m unworthy, that I’ll dirty His robe. The conversation goes on like this for several more minuets.

I bet we all do this. We know we’re not worthy, so we don’t fully embrace the free gift of grace. We don’t get too attached…just in case it isn’t for real.

John Eldredge points out, “all this groveling and self-deprecation done by Christians is often shame masquerading as humility. Shame says, “I’m nothing to look at. I’m not capable of goodness.” Humility says, “I bear a glory for sure. It’s a reflected glory. A grace given to me.”

If we embraced grace fully, lived life robed in righteousness, as heirs to the King, with our glory revealed our lives would look differently don’t you think? To live in truth, to live knowing I am fully loved, accepted, and forgiven. What if I really believed it? It’s a scary place—to have such confidence, security, beauty (His glory reflected) here on earth. It’s my opinion that most Christians don’t live out of their Spirit-filled lives, that we are more in tuned with our sinful nature. Perhaps it’s because we are in the midst of a great battle; a battle not against flesh and blood but against the forces of the spiritual realm. (Eph. 6:12, paraphrased) The enemy’s plan from the beginning has been to make us doubt our hearts, take away our courage…in short, assault our hearts…which is the wellspring of life. (Prov. 4:23)

I forget constantly that we, as Christians, are to arm ourselves for this kind of battle, a battle that truly is a matter of life and death. Without a doubt, it’s more than we can handle on our own. I love how the Message Translations says, “Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them.”

I do need to learn how to apply them. To be honest, I hardly understand their definition and exactly what they mean to me. It isn’t enough for me to simply go with the flow anymore. I think Satan has had me exactly where he wants me all these years: ignorant and dressed in shame.

I believe once I apply God’s armor (the list above), accept His love completely; I will see a glimmer of His son too, that I will embrace His glory reflected in me and stomp on the shame that I tend to choose over His righteousness. O that is my heart’s desire!

Christ says, “I have come to give you back your heart and set you free.”

I love:

The sun’s warmth that floods my face and gently laps over my soul with its peaceful, joyful rays
Brisk mornings

The brillancy of the stars on a clear night
The smell of coffee
The smell of crisp linen
Lavender, lilac, tulips, peonies…
Fresh cut grass
Bird’s innocence, melody, majesty, and freedom
My dog’s smile and enormously long tongue (so stinkin' funny!)
Abigail’s dimples that beg for kisses, her dark eyes that tell me everything, and her smile: big, full, and contagious

Her enthusiasm, energy, joyful, and silly spirit
Meg’s hugs: intentional, present, loving

Her pale pink lips that easily part into smiles and giggles galore

Her heart: compassionate, respectful, kind, tender and shy
I love that Dennis thinks he’s funny

He makes me feel beautiful after all these years (15 years and counting!)

He provides, cares and makes family a priority

His genuine relationship with the Lord

His eyes, his smile...
Humbleness

Old barns

Bare trees
The under dog
Hot air balloons
Motorcycle rides
Americanos
Clean sheets
Reading
My work at school
Thai food
Holding hands
The smell of Den’s after-shave

The country with it's vast fields in an array of colors
The beach
The mountains

Dreaming out loud
Yellow and blue
Silence
laughter
Knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend
Family
Friends
Good conversations
That the Lord is revealing Himself to me in bits and pieces of the very things I hold so dear to my heart.

That He thinks I’m worth sharing all of these things with.

"Without your heart you cannot love. Without your heart you cannot have faith. Without your heart you cannot find the work you were meant to do. In other words, you cannot have life."

"Go after a life of love as of your life depended on it--because it does." 1 Cor. 14:1 (Message Translation)

The 64 Pack

The topic of worship has been a constant thought this past week especially, but has been something I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about a good share of my life. I was raised in a Christian home and attended a small Baptist church three times a week for as long as I can remember. Church was so much a routine that we didn’t think twice about going. You went because its what you did on Sundays. Church was pretty boring when I was a kid. I would count the ceiling’s wood planks; count the number of pieces of glass that made up the stained glass window. After sometime, I became a student. Not so much a student of the Bible but in listening and watching the way church worked. The Pastor’s message would start with a story, usually humorous, then a bit of scripture that he would explain, then his voice would escalate and his fists would beat towards us as he boomed that we needed Jesus, that we were going to hell without Him. Finally it ended with him in tears and a long, a very long prayer (this is when I checked out people’s shoes). This is why I didn’t like church. It was predictable. It was routine. I knew what I was going to hear, what I was expected to do, say and sing. I wondered where God was in all of this hub-bub. It sure looked and sounded a lot like a dog and pony show. (Not that I disagreed with the Bible message, not at all. It was the routine and perhaps even the heart behind the words that didn’t sit right with me. And I always wondered if the Holy Spirit was really this predictable.)

You would think from hearing about my church experience as a child that I don’t attend church as an adult. I do and I love it. (The Lord got a hold of me many years ago and revealed Himself in a way that was meaningful to me and gave me a genuine heart for Him…another story for another day) My favorite part of church is the preaching. I enjoy the other elements as well but it is in these parts of the service that I wrestle, the same parts I wrestled with as a child. Let me explain my struggle by posing a few questions: Do we allow our hearts to side step routine and ritual often enough to worship genuinely? Has Sunday morning become something we can do in our sleep (figuratively, of course)? Or perhaps the most important question: How often do we glimpse something that stirs up complete wonder and awe within our hearts, where we feel we’ve no choice but to fall to our knees and praise God?

Organized worship is still difficult for me. A good share of the time I am too aware of other people’s presence more than God’s. There have been times I feel forced to perform (i.e. sing, partake in communion, etc.), because it’s expected. And then there have been other times I literally want to fall to my knees, raise my hands to the heavens and imagine Him reaching back to me. But I don’t. I wouldn’t dare. My pride is far too big (unfortunately) for that in a setting like church. How pathetic, I know. And how I’ve probably missed out on some incredible moments with the Lord. Not, that this would necessarily be an acceptable way to worship in my church either.

I used to think there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't worshipping right when I wasn't visibly touched by a song or a message to move me to tears or to raise my hands, afterall, so many around me were. After much thought and reflection, I honestly believe there are many ways to worship the Lord. Not all of them come out in a physical way but every time our hearts will be penetrated by immeasurable gratitude and love for the Lord. When and why do we worship? When we are fully aware of our dependence on God for all we have and hope to have; out of a heart of thankfulness, praise, respect, and honor.


I’m a nature girl… would give just anything to be outside, especially in my gardens. This week as I was pulling weeds and contemplating worship, feeling rather discouraged with church as a whole, I looked up to the most beautiful turquoise colored sky spotted with puffy white clouds…so crystal clear…so much a gift…that all I could manage to say while on my knees and tears running down my face is, “I believe in you.” I believe that is worship. Worship is more than the 8 pack of crayolas…what you expect to see. I think it’s more like the 64 pack, coming in various shades, brilliancy and depth. Turquoise sky…still takes my breath away.


What is worship? It is self-forgetting, humble and God-exalting.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction!

“God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him.” (John Piper) This sentence has had a grip on me for quite some time. I have memorized it, filtered many things I do and think through these words, and I have tried to comprehend human satisfaction here on earth while dissecting what it means to glorify Him. I believe this statement to be true. However, I feel like a failure. I am certain that my life doesn’t show that the glory of the Lord has satisfied the longings of my heart when I continue to search for more, or better, or… in short, sin. Truthfully, I struggle with finding contentment in Him alone. I want Him and….

“I am the bread of life; he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst". (John 6:35).
As I read and reread this verse, I can’t help but to ask myself: Am I drinking from the right well?

This, of course, takes my mind back to a tidbit I read somewhere about the symbol of the cup. You see, back in the days of David, well before Jesus walked the earth (somewhere between 1140 B.C. and 586 B.C) the cup was used as a significant symbol. The host would use it to send a message to his guests. If your cup, as a guest, was kept full, you were still welcomed. If your cup grew empty then the host was letting you know, your time of visiting was over. However, and this is the part that I love, if the host was really enjoying your company, he would not only fill your cup but fill it until it was overflowing onto the table and running off onto the floor. Can you picture it? Can you picture being wanted, enjoyed and loved so much that Our Heavenly Host not only fills our lives with His presence, His love, His everything…He actually gives us more than we need…He gives abundantly. And unconditionally.

There have been so many times in my life that I’ve excused myself from His table, not accepted His invitation to stay as He is about to refill my cup. I have hidden, I have been distracted and I have not allowed Him to fill my cup. Instead, I’ve tried to fill it myself out of my own selfishness. How humbling it is for me to write these words. When I come to the end of myself, and I hear His ever-present whisper, calling me back to His table, I show up empty and ashamed. This is where I am in my life: ashamed and thirsty but I know without a doubt He has saved a seat for me and my cup has been kept full in anticipation of my return. I write with tears in my eyes at the realization of my disobedience, stubbornness, and spoiled attitude I’ve had towards Him. In pondering all of this I think I’ve come to the conclusion that we won’t be fully satisfied this side of heaven. Perhaps we aren’t meant to be, that our longings are actually His invitation to draw closer to Him.

How my heart longs desperately to see the reflection of Christ when I stoop down to drink from His well. I know that when I do, His glory will satisfy the longings of my heart, my thirst will be quenched. I believe this is His invitation to join Him at His table…that it’s His desire to pour Himself over me (and my table) completely.

Flower Petals We Are Not!

Most likely you’ve heard the quotes: “Don’t just stand there, do something” and “Life isn’t a free ride”. I don’t know whom to credit for these words that have subconsciously lingered in the back of my mind and seeped needlessly into all areas of my life, including my relationship with the Lord. Although I know my thinking to be false, I often times fall into the trap of thinking that I can do something to earn God’s favor…to make Him love me more. Or help Him justify why He chose me, of all people. He knew exactly what He was getting when He chose me but somehow I think I can make my sin up to Him by serving Him more or better or harder in addition to asking for forgiveness. Why do I do this time and time again, when I know God simply says to believe in Him?

We are “do-ers”. It makes us feel like we are contributing to mankind as well as to God’s kingdom. It gives us value and purpose, which lead to feeling as though we have earned something for our efforts. Sometimes it’s a paycheck or the feeling of being needed and finding acceptance. Not necessarily bad things. However, I wonder if we have taken something healthy, such as working and serving too far. If we are looking for fulfillment through the vary things we say we’re doing for the Lord rather than getting our needs met through the Lord. We need to be honest with ourselves when we answer the question: Are we serving man or God?

Why do we think and live as though it’s not enough to simply bask in His presence and acceptance of us?

“Be still and know that I am God.”
This old hymn comes to mind frequently. I haven’t sung it since I was a young girl but boy, have these simple words stayed tucked away in the deepest crevices of my heart. Not until I sat with them recently, attempting to comprehend their simplicity did I truly grasp their meaning.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10) Notice it doesn’t say anything about paying Him back (not that we could). Notice also, that is doesn’t say, try to be still. It simply says, be still. God doesn’t command us to do (or not do) something that He believes is impossible. He is saying cease from business, from things of earthly value. He doesn’t actually need us to carry out His business. He didn’t necessarily create us for that purpose. He did, however, create us for relationship with Him!

The second part of this verse tells us to know God. The Complete Word Study Dictionary defines this as “to know, to learn, to perceive, to discern, to experience, to confess, to consider, to know people relationally, to know how, to be skillful, to be made known, to make oneself known, to make to know”. This is the most common definition of this word out of its 800 uses in the Bible. To sum it up: make an effort to know Him from the inside out!

Resting in His presence doesn’t necessarily look and feel like service to a Martha kind of gal, like myself. I most likely will struggle with balancing what to do, when to do it and who to do it for the rest of my life. That, I believe, is human nature. I have been gifted with times of fulfillment, assurance, acceptance, and immeasurable peace in times of seemingly no effort on my part. I relish in those times and I know that is what He's all about. I believe it is out of the overflow of this love relationship that we serve with a pure heart. Serve out of love, not obligation.

I believe with all my heart that God is far more interested in a relationship with us than in what we can do for Him. He does not watch our lives and with each thing we do or don’t do and say, “I love her, I love her not” We are not flower petals in His garden; we are His sons and daughters, whom He loves. Period!

Adultery?

I’m not so sure I am all that different from Hester Prynne, the adulteress in Nathaniel Hawthorn’s 1850’s novel, The Scarlet Letter. Her life held far more sorrow, grief and complexity than mine yet I feel a connection that I can’t easily dismiss. What we remember most about the story is that she committed adultery and for her sin she was forced to wear a scarlet letter “A” on her chest, telling the world of her infidelity. She was shunned and publicly ostracized. My connection to her is this: I, too, have been unfaithful. I have been a thief, a liar and cheated the One who loves me most. My devotion and affection for Him seemingly ebbs more than it flows. And I tend to give my "first fruits" (my best) to someone other than Him. I take what I want from our relationship, give only what I want to give, all the while expecting Him to be faithful to me, do things for me, bless and protect me. Is this an attitude that stems from a genuine relationship with the Lord? Most of us would agree that it isn’t and in the same breath say,” but that isn’t adultery”. I challenge you to define adultery and then look at your own relationship with the Lord. (Yikes, I know!)

I once read a quote by John Piper that said something to the affect of:
True relationship is not looking to see what you can get out of it. A relationship must be one that is rooted in something first, namely, a delight in the beauty and excellency of God’s character.

Do we know God, really? Or do we only know what He did for us? (not that I am discounting His immeasurable acts of love for us, not at all!) Another way to think about this question: Do we put more value on the gift than on that of the Giver? I think how we answer these questions will determine if we, as Christians, are really all that different from the rest of the world. We can’t put our hope into the Lord and His promises and then live like the world: depending on money, material things, prestige, etc. This would be robbing our Bridegroom the opportunity to glorify Himself in and through our lives.

True contentment comes from faithfulness. Which in short means that we're spending time with Him, that we're in relationship with Him. God often doesn't seem tangible to us, which makes it easy to neglect Him or call on Him only when we need Him. However, the more time I spend getting to know Him (through His Word and prayer), the easier He is to see all around me. God doesn't play hide and seek with us. I believe He always makes Himself easy to find!

I desire to know my Savior far more intimately that I do. I want to live a life pleasing to Him, honoring Him, giving Him the glory that is due His name and His name alone. I am convinced that it is not enough to simply know about him and then live my life however I please. That is not a relationship. That is stealing the most valuable gift from our Beloved who has given us so much more than we deserve.

To say I am grateful that Christ bore my scarlet letter isn’t enough. It just isn’t enough.


"The way we live and the decisions we make are most influenced by the condition of our hearts." Dave Foran (Exec. Director, bible.org)

Rescued?

Rescued. This is a word that has repeatedly come to mind these past weeks as I have had the privilege to hear so many stories. These stories have made a lasting impression upon my heart and without a doubt; I have been impacted for life! Stories of renewed faith, of forgiveness, of lives redirected… Praise the Lord! Absolutely! I have also heard stories that have brought me to tears long after the words were spoken. The discouragement, pain and heartache seem too much for any one person and you wonder along side her as she cries out, “where was God? Why didn’t He rescue me?” I think all of us at one time or another have asked this question.

I want to point you to the life of Paul. Oh, how I love that the journey of his life was left for us in the Bible. Paul was terribly beaten and left for dead many times for sharing the gospel of Christ and yet Paul still says that, “… the Lord rescued me from them all.” (2 Timothy 3:10-11) Don’t you wonder how he could say that the Lord rescued him after he was beaten and left for dead? Where was the rescue? What did he mean by that? He certainly wasn’t spared pain or beamed up to the heavens invisibly at just the time he was about to be flogged again. So…how does he say so confidently that the Lord rescued him?

The Greek definition for the word rescued left me with a lot to ponder and may be insightful for you as well. Rescued means, “to drag along the ground, to draw or to snatch from danger, rescue, deliver. This is more with the meaning of drawing to oneself than merely rescuing from someone or something.” Rescuing is more about drawing us closer to the Lord than being delivered from a particular situation. Think about that for a minuet. When have we felt closest to the Lord? In times of difficulty and struggle don’t we cry out to him to deliver us from that particular trial? And although there are times when we have been spared pain and heartache, there are also times when we have to go through it. And when we’re forced to go through it and we rely on the Lord, there is a peace and an assurance. Our deliverance comes when we are dragged, sometimes along the rocky ground and after we have been truly beaten down by the world, from the enemy of our souls to the heart of God. This brings my mind to that of what James tells us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (James 1:2-3) We need to remember that we will experience hardships. The Lord says that it is inevitable because we are in a battle not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12) Take heart Beloved, the Lord is with you. Perhaps He has rescued you…just not in the way you thought He would. He loves you as you are and wants so much for you to cry out to Him in the midst of your pain, to draw close to Him. When you do sincerely and whole-heartedly, I believe He will reveal Himself to you and wrap His loving arms around you. You will be rescued; you will be drawn to Him.